This is the story of Jamin

Inderal...

2009-09-15T23:51:00.002+09:30

Last night was da first night in probably years dat i had to force myself to sleep before 11pm...was too tired to do anything...slept on da floor for da first hr...had a bad back...then had a phone call...answered dat and jumped on da bed to sleep properly...

da whole time, my heart was pumping soooo fast that i could hear it soo loud...it wouldnt stop! was trying to sleep with dat stuupid heartbeat for an hr...finaly decided to get up to get 20mg of inderal...a hr later my heart was still going at it...damnn!! got up at took another dose of inderal...i think i'm immune to inderal ady...this hasnt happened in awhile so iguss da thyroid rpoblem is back! haiihhh...time to see da doc again...

finally fell asleep at 2 am...da sleeping early trial was a failure...so, next time, i'm just gonna let myself get too sleepy to do anything else...

Today, all i did was vacuum my room...my assignments are stacking and yet i cant bring myself to get to them...MALAS!

I'm waiting for all my fav tv shows to come back for the new season...CANT WAIT!!! and then of coz there's the torture of waiting for new moon..haha...

can things be worse?

2009-09-14T17:25:00.003+09:30

I'm having a panic attack! y? i dunno y...u tell me y...

I'm watching ER and my mind's running like crazy...It mite be da lack of sleep for da past 2-3 weeks. It mite also be da fact that i've been sitting at this bloody computer for da past 3 days looking at numbers on the screen. It doesnt help dat i lost my usb drive dat has all my assignments in it...dat just mad my week!

Then, after submitting the assignment i found out i had too many pages and da lecturer wont read anything more than 20 pages....how da hell did i miss dat? to mae things worse, i found out that my last 5 pages were a mess coz da allignment of da page got screwed...

All that, combined with no human interaction, cannot makan becouse puasa, and lack of sleep makes me angry!!! Then, i found out dat raya is this weekend! i thought it was freakin next week...i have no idea...lost track of time...puasa this year felt soo short...

And, i miss my frens in da city...BAD....havent talked to fah in da longest time...miss my family...miss my cat...miss my mom's cooking....i miss a good nite sleep wihtout da same dream...all dat stuff dat i miss, makes me even more angry, pissed off to da max!!!

Then, i'm also thnking of the 4 major assignments due soon...havent started on any of them...Its gonna be a rough few weeks till after exams...haaiihhh...i feel like screaming, crying, hitting something all at da same time....

its buka time so i'm gonna go...

Sleepless...

2009-09-11T02:47:00.002+09:30

Was sleepy 5 hours ago...so i was able to sleep...then, at 3am, i woke up...its like my brain wont let me go there...coz it knows i'm afraid of it...those dreams i've been having totally spooked my mind...Its a dream of reality...it happened and to relive it almost every night means that i will never let go of it...havent had those dreams in awhile...no idea why it's come back...maybe it was to remind me that it happened and that i should never forget it...haiihhh...it'll be the one thing in my life that will keep me from being totally happy...no matter how succesful i'll be or how happy i'll be, its da one shame i'll have to carry...

Dammnnn!!!

2009-09-07T20:21:00.003+09:30

My god!!! How hot are these pics?! Someone saved my horrible day by sending these pics of the new moon official posters...Thanks nadia!!

How is it dat an 18 year old boy has dat kind of body...damnnn!!! i'm sweatinggg...

Jamin takde laa totally obsessed with new moon but damn these pics are heavenly....now i feel like reading da book again...No Jamin! Do assignment jamin!! NO!!

AAARRGGHHH!!!!

2009-09-06T02:21:00.002+09:30

I'm pissed pissed pissed pissed pissed!!! Hah!

Dont ask me y...i'll give u a whole list!

Bullshit mannn...this is shit...

Nothin new....boringgg....

2009-09-05T23:09:00.003+09:30

Like my title says...nothing new...been home trying to finish up work...TRYING...

Classes are going to start on mondayyyy...haiihhh...good thing lah...gonna go nuts being home this long...

Nothing worth blogging bout so i'm gonna have an early sahur and try to sleep...havent had a proper sleeping cycle in 2 weeks...

goodnight and selamat bersahur ppl :-)

My thoughts...

2009-09-01T19:04:00.007+09:30

I'm so bloody bored...cant bring myself to finish up my assignments so i've been lounging around on my bed DA WHOLE DAYYY...boleh jadi gilee tau macam ni...malas nak tulis a proper blog, so here goes...in random order k...since u guys think i'm soo random kan...haha...

1) bosan nak mampos kat bundoora ni...

2) I wanna meet my frens in da city but i'm lazy to go...

3) Cant wait for aliaa to come back...Sunday babeyhh!!

4) Been thinking alot of ehem ehem lately...still not forgotten...

5) Love those pics for the memories and hate them for reminding me of wat could have been...

6) Hopes arifah is alright...love u babes...

7) Misses eryna alia...may u rest in peace...al-fatihah...

8) Misses her family...and her cat...

9) hates uni this sem...i dont know shit...blurrr...

10) Wishes that person was never in my life...thanks for ruining it for me...

11) Wishes she would call once in awhile...i know he would love to hear from u...so would i...

12) Misses mun :(

13) Suddenly thought...i've never felt that kind of happiness...

14) Has a new found interest in malay songs..haha...

15) Wishes farhah was 5 mins away...

16) Is longginggg sooo bad to play golf...

17) Esok can puasa ady...yeayy? haha..

18) Cant wait for all my fav show to start again...yeayyyy!!!

19) Nak mummy :'(

20) Misses tok mak...should give her a call soon...

21) Had a dream of tok ayah a few nights ago...love u tok ayah...miss u too...

22) suddenly motivated to do well this sem...but malas buat assignment...haha...

23) I'm such a loner...

24) Suppose to masak butter chicken for dinner...but malas and not hungry...

25) JA!!! i know your readingggg!!! hahaha...miss u monyekk...love u long timeee!!

26) Nak balik puasa in malaysia!!!

27) Thanking nadia for making her laugh everyday with her videos...pandai kau berlakon eh...haha...klakar sioottt...

28) I still remember tok ayah's face very clearly...its like he's infront of me smoking his ciggarette...

29) Has 2 assignments due next week and 4 more due i dunno when...shyte!!!

30) Needs to cut her fingernails...

31) Loves ER...

32) Can't wait for new moon in nov!!

33) Wants a car...NOW!!! Next sem is not good enuf daddy...plsss....

34) i'm sooo spoilt...haha

35) Tak jadi pindah back to da city kot...malas...will most probably stay in bundoora...

36) Should have gone running just now...daymmm...

37) Kaki aku sakit lagi...babiii...dat's y i need a carrrr...huhu...

38) Why da hell did i need a security check to post a comment on my on wall kat facebook?

weirddd...

39) Is nervous about her internship...

40) Cant wait to graduate next year...

41) Cant wait for da summer holsss...see u guys soon!!!

42) Panjangnya list aku.

43) Waiting to watch the show tonite...weehooo...

44) Wishes she could dance...wait...maybe i can...never tried it...

45) Hopes one day her dad will change...

46) Hopes all is well at home without bibik...

47) Dah 5 hari aku terperuk dalam bilik ni...gileee...

48) Baby ricky sure dah besar...cant wait to see him!!

49) Hopes mummy is ok...

50) U think u know me? think again :p

Till next time!!

xxx

Jamin

Selamat berpuasa!

2009-08-31T01:28:00.008+09:30

Only one reason for this update...BORED!!!

I can go nuts laaa like this...gile...

dont know wat to do with this stupidd assignment...

a whole week of hols? tak nak...nak pegi classs...

hols are boringggg...

suddenly i feel like updating pics of loved ones...enjoy :)

selamat berpuasa to all of u...

And...al-fatihah to eryna alia...i miss u babe...

I'm back!!! for now atleast...

2009-04-29T00:03:00.002+09:30

I'm finally making the effort to write something...

Mite not be a long post though...very da malas...

Been doing my resume and cover letter for my work vacation thing end of the year...I HATE doing these things!!!

Applying for intership at these 3 companies in new york, switzerland and germany...

Doubt i'm gonna get it...It would be a miracle if i even get a call back from these ppl...

Will probably end up doing my internship back in KL with daddy...haiihhh...not exactly looking forwards to dat...But daddy's made up his mind...he said "Balik sini! dont go anywhere else!"

Nyways, if i get a call back from these 3 companies, will probably defer my studies for atleast a sem coz i have to work with them for atleast 6 months...So, this means i will be graduating later....it'll be good experience though...not sure yet if i wanna do dat...

Talking to mun and fah and mya on da phone now...just listening to them talking among themsleves and ignoring me...haha...it is FREEZING cold and i cant type! frozen fingers!

I miss them!!!

Oh! and i now live in Bundoora...dont ask me where dat is...it's in some ulu place where the kangaroos are...haha...no laaa...it's not soo bad...its peaceful and quiet...I like...nyways, gonna watch gossip girl now...hopefully i'll remember to write again soon...haha...remind me ppl!

Frozen Fingers!!

2008-05-23T20:17:00.002+09:30

It's 7 degrees!!! My hands are beku!! Cant feel them...so i will write a very short post...But i have to cerita this...today, i had to present this programmable machine thingy which i have been working on it da whole semester...last nite, da thing was finally ready to be presented today...then, da next morning before doing da actual presentation, da bloody thing got short-circuit...30 mins b4 presenting it...cannot repair, and felt useless...there goes my project...So, dat basically ruined my whole day...

Luckily da lecturer gave us another month or so to repair da stoooopid machine...So now, dah laa i kene prepare for my test on monday and assignment to submit on monday, i also have to finish da report and presentation for da stooopid machine by friday...and then have to study for exam lagi...isssshhhhhh....end of the semester sucks!!!!

Unfortunately, i'm already counting the minutes to balik K.L...so now, da minutes will go by soooo slowlyyyy...aiyoooo...

Jamin's backkk!!!

2008-05-21T13:04:00.002+09:30

Haha!!! So long i tak update...honestly laa kan...i lupa about da existance of this blog...Da last time i updated this blog, the semester hasn't even started...now, da semester is gonna finish ady...next week is da last week of classes...then exams start on da 10th of june and finish on da 20th of june...then...BALIK KAMPUNG!!!! yeayyyy!!!

Jamin cannot wait...Jamin wants to see her mummy, her brother...Jamin wants to see her new cat!!!...yess ppl...i have a cat...daddy named her QT...how lame is dat...haha...Then, Jamin wants to see her tok mak, her cuzzies, and of coz da new baby in da family!!! hehe...Jamin also wants to see her frens...Soooo many things to look forward to...wooohooooo!!! Jamin is literally jumping up and down thinking bout going back...But of coz, b4 dat Jamin has to finish her exams first...with flying colors...haha...

Jamin is suddenly blank...no idea wat to write...haha...Jamin's head is full with the word EXAM!!!
OH! Jamin nak marah her aunties and cuzzies coz they went for 2 holidays without Jamin!!! I thought we had a pack ppl!! U're suppose to wait for me come back to go for holidays!! Bandung and Melaka could have waited...Issshhhh....Also not to mention the weddings i have missed...2 weddings in 6 months! Gileee!!! Jamin merajuk ady...haaiiihhhh....Nvm!! when jamin balik, u cuzzies have to layan me...

Oklaa...Jamin dunno wat else to say...when jamin got idea, jamin update again k...Promise...

FAH: Dont talk to jamin bout bundoora next year anymore!!! Nanti one of these days, jamin will cry bout it...jamin tak nak think bout it now...Sensitive issue!!!

Unexpectedly ok week...

2008-01-27T00:59:00.000+10:30

so, i suppose i have to admit that since haris has gone back, it wasnt so bad as i feared it to be...I was really terrified of the feeling that i knew was coming...Well, i do feel it but, not as bad as i once felt it last year...This past week has actually been surprisingly ok ...just ok coz i do feel that loneliness now and then...And when i do feel it, i always think that i'm going to have a nervous breakdown just about then...But all's good...

Anyway, this past 2 weeks, i probably went to see 5 movies...haha...good way to kill time...First movie i watched was P/S I LOVE YOU... I have to say...that move was surprisingly god coz i read da book and thougth dat hilary swank is not betul for dat character...but that movie made me cry, made me laugh and everything...Very touching...U can actually feel wat da characters were feeling...

Next, was Cloverfield...I had sooo high expectations for da movie...Everybody was saying it was good...Here's da thing bout dat move...I HATE DA ENDING!!! Such an unexpected ending to a movie that i thought could possibly be a really good...The ending practically ruined da whole movie...It's a story bout victims of an attack in new york by some monster that was godzilla-like...The story is told through a victim's camera...I thought i would be pening by all da movement of da camera...It was very memeningkan laa...but i was enjoying da movie a lot dat it didnt affect me...I was convinced that it was succhhhh a great movie...till DA ENDING!!! and da movie was like only an hr...Quite a dissapoinment...

Then, watched 27 dresses pulak...GREAT MOVIE!! Very funny...That's all i can say bout it...go watch it...worth da money...

Next day, watched JUNO...well...da movie was ok laa...interesting topic...it was one of those independant movie that has quirly songs...Weird character and all...Ok laa...Not bad...

Today pulak we went to watch atonement...This movie has multiple oscar nomination so, i wanterd to watch it...And keira knightley and james mcavoy played in it...2 of my favs....Anyway, da movie was sooo teribllllyyy slow!!! Good story line and all..confusing as well...but my god!!! 1 hr of da movie was like days...i was getting soo restly after an hr...But, u can see y it got oscar noms...the movie deserved it...Very well put on screen...I'm a big fan of Keira and i think she will surely win an oscar for this mannn...no doubt bout that...And james mcAvoy is just soooo good looking!!! Toobad he's married...

Nyways, i'm looking forward to watch many more movies...Mad money, rendition, gone baby gone, definitely maybe, jumper and sooo many more!!! I've just been soo bored, so for now, movies make me happy...hehehe...

This part of my life is called...

2008-01-22T17:02:00.000+10:30

Ok..so, i've been back in melbourne for almost 3 weeks now...and i have to say that at this moment i'm feeling a little lonely...I guess it's coz i'm missing my mummy and daddy, missing my brother who's been here for hols and is gong back to k.l tonite :( ...This part of my life is called loneliness...

When i left k.l, i didnt really feel like going back to melbourne coz i had a lot of fun in k.l being together with my family, spending time with my mom, and frens that i havent seen in awhile...my previous trip back to k.l was horrible...so, to actually enjoy being back in k.l was a relief...I even told my mom that i dont wanna go back...And part of it is because of wat my grandmother told me...I just hate da idea of being far away from my family...

Fortunately, haris followed me back to melbourne for a holiday...Atleast i could be around family a little longer and the whole time, i dreaded him going back coz then, i'll be alone...I'm scared to face da year alone...I want somebody to sleep on my floor, somebody to teman me watch tv, somebody to scold, somebody who's not a fren...I want a family with me...My parents were suppose to come as well but i suppose it's relief dat they didnt coz if not, i would miss them even more and i'd be more homesick...I dont regret coming here but every single day i miss my family...And that has just been tough...I dont wanna feel this way every time i come back from hols in k.l...I wish it was easier...

Anyways, once haris leaves, i have to start studying...exams are near...I'm just gonna hate da fact that everytime i enter my room, i'm gonna be alone and lonely...Thank god i have frens whom i spend my everyday life here with...I STILL WANT MY MUMMY!!! hahaha...it may seem childish, but who cares!!!

Review of 2007

2008-01-01T05:11:00.000+10:30

HAPPY NEW YEARS PPL!!!!!

So gileee lama since i updated my blog... the main reason is of course coz i MALAS!! Another reason is also that i dont wanna meluahkan my perasaan here...If i update sure masuk one a bit of the anger, sadness or watever shit laa then, i will get in trouble...But now, everything's fine and great...for now atleast...who knoes wat else is gonna happen in 2008...i hope it will be a great year...had enough of toughness in life...

Anyway, basically 2007 was a tough year...Learnt ALOT bout life...being without family in Melbourne definitely harder than i expected...When my family left me in february there alone, i was mummy sick...haha...missed my mummy je...then later on there was a lot of drama till laa the end of the year...second semester of 2007 was definitely the worst chapter of my life sofar...It wasnt so much of the tak tau masak, tak tau cuci baju, takde maid kinda thing but it was the life lessons that i learnt that was tough on me...So, wat did i learn in 2007? I learn to not trust anyone anymore...even if u think the opposite...that's the hasil of living for almost 20 years...then, i learn to become very independant when it comes to personal problems...I learnt that i dont need my mummy al da time...Also learnt that she is probably the one and only person that knoes me best...I can always turn to my mummy...hehehe...i'm a mummy's gurl...so, let's have a quick review of my year...

fav movie of 2007 : Across the Universe (Incredible movie!!! Go watch it...It certainly is one of the best movies of the decade)

fav song : No one by alicia keys and apologies by one republic

fav tv series : GOSSIP GIRL!!! the hills and private practice

fav book of 2007 : Davinci code (read in 3 times addy and will never get tired of it)

fav food of 2007 : Sushi

fav drink of 2007 : Ice lemon tea (changes every year)

fav place : closet (peaceful place that keeps me away from the world)

worst moments of 2007 : 2nd Sem of 2007 (there were too many moments in that period so i'm not gonna specify)

fav moment of 2007 : 24 and 25th dec 2007 (holidays with the cuzzies in pd...there were 28 of us...its always good to kumpul all together) and whitney houston's concert (it doesnt matter if she sang badly...She's still a legend!!!!)

fav quote of 2007 : "Educate a girl in the family and u automatically educate the whole family" - Oprah

So, that's all that i can think of for now...I'll put pics next time...Am too lazy now...Nyways, thanks to ppl around me who constantly supports me...Muaaahhhxxx!!! HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

p/s : Zura, am not doing it ever again!!! Memalukan!!! U owe me one
On another note...R.I.P. baby girl...miss u!!!

2007-09-23T03:35:00.000+09:30

Oh!! and Fah!!!
I dont have a new one!!!! U keep saying i do!!! U, qilah and teeaa suka laaa create a new one....And pls do keep blogging bout the weird things i say...I also tak ingat what i say sometimes...hehehe...

2007-09-23T02:42:00.000+09:30

So lazy to write on my blog nowadays...haha...havent even been reading ppl's blog...I decided that i should not read ppl's blogs too often...somehow, life gets easier that way...haha...

Anyway...i was just going through jaja's blog tadi...I went through her blog from like the beginning of the year...Seeing pics of my frens back in k.l having such fun times together memanglah amat menyedihkan...i wish i was there...no matter how many new frens i make here, i will never be able to find ppl who could replace ja, yunnie, ceen, azna, kissy and all...we had such fun times.....Its so sad to think that when i go back nanti i cant see all of them...

So, since i last wrote a lot has happened...had fun times with frens...had not so fun time with frens...haha...But, all's good...We had pot luck that day...Eventhough qilah brought her very sedap indo mee...hahaha...Tadi, went to eat thai food and watched movie...Oh and of coz dinner with the gang at spiga...also, fah and i have been baking a lot!!! basically, life's good except for those tinny winnie distractions..

Last nite, i talked to Farhah!!! Sooooo long ok i didnt talk to her...I was missing talking to my therapist like crazy...Gossiped a whole lot with her...She always tells me the best stories ever...Evrytime i feel stressed or sad ke, i talk to her and my world is good again...That's y she's my therapist, my bestie and my satellite...hahaha...Its always good to have 2 very different ppl as your best fren...They both repond to different personalities that i have...hahaha...i'm very thankful that i have these 2 great bestfrens who are a huge part of my life...Muaaahhhhxxxxx!!!! U knoe i love u guys!!!

Tadi, i talked to my parents...So lama i didnt talk to them...My dad called and said that he wants to cancel my malaysian hp number!!!! I was sooo mad....I sayang that number k...I've had that number since i first had my hp...And my number, my dad's number, and my bro's number all have the same digits except for 3rd and 4th digit...So sayang...My dad kata he doesnt want to keep paying for that number...I was like, if i dont use it takkan u have to pay so much...atleast u pay 20 ke 30 ringgit je...My dad kata every month he pays like 100 ringgit...That doesnt make sense ok! So, i guess, nanti i have to get a prepaid number lah! After i complained bout that to my mom, she gave me a good long lecture on how i dont appreciate money!!! aiyaaa...pening!!!

Then, i found out that they're going shopping!!!! Damn!!! I pesan to haris..."Haris, dont forget to buy me something k"...Haris said, "see lah if i can remember...coz u knoe, u're not here so u cannot kick my ass if i dont"...I was like...Damn u bro!!!

Aku cuti 1 week addy!!! woohooooo!!!! Hahaha...nama je cuti...I actually have 5 huge assignments due the week after cuti k...So babi!!! Plus, i'm broke...till next 2 days dat is...haha...

Auntie rosni and alia are coming here esok!!!!! woooohoooo!!!! sooo excited...Everybody who has plans to come here or even baru sebut je nak datang sini i dah jadi sooo excited...Ye laaa...I get to see new ppl...haha...seeing da same faces everyday...it gets boring u knoe...hahahah...Fah's sooo gonna kill me for that!!! hehehe...

Merdeka!!!!!

2007-08-31T21:36:00.000+09:30

So, today is merdeka day!!!! Happy birthday Malaysia!!! somehow, when i'm in a foreign country baru laaa nak celebrate merdeka...But i think coz its da 50th merdeka and apparently its going to be a grand function. I kinda wanna be a part of it...hehehe...i feel so poyo...hahaha...

Nyways, last nite there were a few places that were celebrating merdeka...A few clubs i mean...hehehe...i didnt wanna go at first coz i have full day class today but then i wanna celebrate....so i decided to go...We went to Gravity...It was a lot fun coz we went ramai-ramai...But...as fun as da nite was, my feet have never hurt that bad....My stupid new heels caused A LOT of pain!!! Even b4 we sampai da club, my kaki was soo sakit!!!! I couldnt even walk...i had blisters b4 sampai club...bodoh tak?! We sampai da club then had to beratur pulak...While beraturing, saw a few familiar faces...'

Fazura hosted da event and JI (dont even know who he is) performed.

Gravity was like kampung melayu...Of coz da nite went on great...My kaki pon tak sakit sangat coz we were just dancing...jalan baru sakit...da songs were great!!!! I tak nak balik k...fah was tired addy and wanted to balik...teea and i wanted to stay lagi...But dah 4 o'clock so we pon balik
lah...

Da balik part was da worst part of da whole nite!!! Gile ok...I kluar da club je, i took of my heels and walked barefoot home....my tapak kaki was sooo sakit...i couldnt walk with or without shoes...my feet was hurting soo bad dat it took us half anhour to walk home....Was limping da whole way back....sooo seksa k!!! My feet never hurt sooo bad...Kalau i accidentally pijak kaca pon i dah tak kisah...went to get macdonalds to eat then, i realised my leg couldnt stop shivering...i couldnt control it...so funny...actually, i suppose i should be worried lah coz my legs have been shivering a lot for some time now...dunno y...

My beautiful feet full of blisters...still sakit k...

Nyways, back to last nite...Last nite was probably one of da most fun i've had in a looonggg time...We had da count down to merdeka, danced a lot, met new ppl, and of coz there was da negaraku song...hahaha...i actually didnt hear it at all...later, we danced and danced till i couldnt feel my feet...hahaha...

Came back and slept for like 4 hrs then went to class test...hahahah...now, i'm sooo sleepyyyyy...my eyes are like gonna shut by its own anytime...

fah, teea and me!

Oh!!! Another good news....Fah and I have tickets to justin's concert in november!!! Excitedness melanda!!!! woohooo!!! Hopefully da day after da concert i got no exam coz da concert falls in da exam period...well, if got paper pon i'm still going!!! hehehe...

me, teea and qilah...

p/s : u know what u did wrong so dont pretend like u dont know... fuck u!

Back in Melbourne....

2007-08-19T11:09:00.000+09:30

I knoe i knoe, so lama addy since i wrote anything here...Sorry, i 've been a bit busy with the 2nd semester...

So, i'm back here in Melbourne and it has never been better...Things a great here except for da fact dat i over spent my money and now i have to control...but biasa lah tuh...hehehehe...Wat's funny is dat fah and I have never even slept in our room alone...well, except for one nite je lah...The other nites, we gilir-gilir sleep in each other's room...ahahaha...fah is such a pegecut...She kata nanti ada orang datang and pegang her...heheheh...

Oh, and I went rock climbing!!!! Wooohooooo!!! Dat was sooo fun...Not easy but fun...Qilah and I had fun and we want to go again....Fah on the other hand kinda found it stressfull...hahaha... wanna go again!!!! Next month lah when i get my money...hehehe...

Today's a sad day...My cousin's getting married and I'M NOT THERE!!! I feel like crying...I wanna go back!!! I hate da fact that i cant see my cousins...I hate missing family events...These are da times when i miss home...But i swear, when i was back home, i wanted to go back to melbourne sooo bad....I couldnt stand it there...

Dat's y i'm considering doing summer course...but dunno lah...nanti i sorang here...everybody's going back....and my holidya will be so skejap...but 3 months in k.l is just tooo damn long...i cant stand my parents screaming my name all da time...i cant stand having curfew and cant do anything what i want...But then, i miss my frens and family...So, i still wanna go back...atleast for a month or 2...

Yuns!!!
You betrayed me!!! U're suppose to come and study here...so sad...Its okay babes...I'm sooo proud of u...U did great!! I love u!!! Muaaahhhxxx!!!

Kissy!!!
Babes....I'm sooo proud of u!!! I cant believe u're going to Manipal!!! I'm gonna miss u!! Love U babes!!! Muaaahhhxxxx!!!!!!

2007-07-03T22:47:00.000+09:30

Guys are such FUCKERS! All they know is to live in their own egoistic world! BABI!! I dont think i've ever been this mad...I've never been sooo mad till the F word doesn't even describe it!

I dont know y da fuck la i thought coming back to malaysia was going to be fun! I guess i forgot that i hated my life at home...I hate da fucking bastard that tells me what to do! Every fucking thing is bloody wrong...Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Next time, remember that i never want to come back for these short holidays! Fah was rite...Things would be different...I thought dat once i left for aussie, things at home would be better...In fact, it's gotten worst!! Da fucking bastard just doesnt realise that we are probably sooo much better off without him!!! We dont need somebody to yell about everything...I dont even want to talk to somebody who only talks to get what he wants! What kind of a fucker is dat!

I really dont care if what i'm saying is hursh or rude or whatever...I'm sooo mad i could fucking burst!!!!! Argghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

P/S : Dont get me wrong...I love coming back to my mom and bro and frens but sometimes, living with a monster in the house in unbearable!! I wish i was back in melbourne where life is soo much simpler....I hope god calms me down coz now, i swear i could kill someone!

2007-06-21T14:36:00.000+09:30

U had my heart for years,
And u never really gave it back,
So dont u fucking dare tell me that i dont know the first thing about love!

Till this day,
I believe that my first love was real,
I believe that u were true to me,
I believe that we were real,
So if there is anyone who knew what love is,
It should be me.

Now, i truely believe that what we did was right,
No regrets anymore.

Stop coming back to me,
When u need me u come to me,
When i needed u,
U left me,
U broke my heart.

I swore i will never fall for u again,
but i cant help it if u keep coming back to me,
So pls help me and forget us,
I can't do it if u wont let go
Pls help me let go.

I dont deny the love,

it's always going to be there,

even if i dont want it anymore.

I dont want to love u anymore,

and i dont want ure love.

2007-06-20T22:05:00.000+09:30

So, am back in k.l...everything's fine but its sooo fucking panas...i'm forever sweating and bathing so many times...In melbourne i always malas nak mandi...Fah has to paksa me mandi...ahahaha....Here, i dont wanna get out of da shower...

Nyways, i surprised my dad and the first thing he said to me is "Min, u dah gemok!"...Shit mann...So, i've been made fun by my parents for gaining weight..ahahah...Now, everytime i reach for food, i get teased...How mean is dat...Da thing is, i work out more in melbourne than when i was back in k.l...But...I also eat more...ahahaha...So now, i bertekad to not eat rice till i get back to melbourne and then when i get back to melbourne, kurangkan rice...Hear dat Fah! Jamin tak nak eat rice everyday!!!! U have to help me!

Today, when i was watching tv, suddenly terasa nak buat sit ups...hehehe...so i buat lah...I managed to do like 500 of them...Hopefully, i'll be motivated enough to continue doing it everyday.

Nyways, Jamin misses her homiey back in melbourne and her qilah wilah who's here in k.l but in rawang...ahahaha...Everyday for da past 4 months, i've been seing them and now, bila berjauhan, gue rindu banget sih sama mereka...I also miss being calm in melbourne...K.l. ni macam soo kelam kabut laaa...

But i guess when u miss ure family and frens, u'll just have to deal with it! Tomorrow, am going out with my fellow frens...My sayang! I cant wait to see them!!!!! Lama giler dowh tak jumpa diorang...

2007-06-11T00:43:00.000+09:30

Is my life perfect? No...It never will be and that's something i just have to accept...There will be things in my past that i have to accept and thanks to the ppl around me, its become easier...Unfortunately, no matter what happens, my past is my past and and it'll live with me...While i sit in my living room quietly with my sayangs here in melbourne, i wonder if my past would really affect me more than i admit it ...Things mite not seem as difficult now, but i have a tiny little instinct that it will affect me more than i expect...And honestly, i'm a bit scared...Its just dis past few days that i've been thinking a lot bout it and honestly, i havent thought bout it for a while...Maybe coz everytime i think bout it, i just lose myself in the process of dealing with it all over again...

I'm at peace with my life now...Something dat i thought would probably never happen but somehow, i managed to pull through and be strong...Even with nobody's help...I'm proud of myself but everyday is still a struggle and hopefully as i grow stronger, i dont have to struggle as much nymore...I dont expect anything from anyone whether from my past or present...I do expect however to deal with it myself and work on ME....i dont want to focus on other ppl's fault or whatever...All i need now is the complete ME to deal with dis...

Nyways, on a lighter note...Armani Exchange is gonna have their sale!!!! wooohoooo!!!! Y laa i didnt wait to buy dat jacket dat day...I should have waited....If dat bloody jacket is on sale, i bunuh da owner of da shop! hahahah...Aiyooo...Jamin's money habis lagi laa ni....Dah makan next month's rent k...aiyooo....am sooo dead...huhuhh...whatever! I will just have to do muka kesian to my daddy..hahahah..mintak duit...

So, jamin nak tidoness....Si qilah ni dah tido depan me...Dunno lah if she's gonna wake up to kononnya 'study'...Fah pulak, she's studying with her music player....kuat giler k...i can hear!!! I swear, da ppl in this hs are gonna go pekak one day...Everybody listens to music sooo loudly....gile!!! hahahah...

Nitessssss!!!!!

2007-06-09T22:41:00.000+09:30

Updating's been quiet hard lately coz i've been sooo busy and hoenstly, there's been quite a lot going on wif me and my stupid mind....hahaha...I've been fighting myself...

Just a few days ago, someone made me think bout this someone who's been long gone from my life...Not long gone lah...I made him hilang...hahaha...Nyways, ada laaa dat little somone dat i know kan, reminded me of him....but whatever lah...My past is my past...

Nyways, am in my exam periods now...have one more bloody paper...engineering design...but luckily, its open book and no need to study as much...so practically, i dah habis exam!!!!! huhuhuh...

I cant wait to balik k.l!!!!! yeayyyy!!!! very soon!!! i got a bit shopping to do...moneynya tidak ada....huhuhu....

Now, jamin relax je...tgk tv...surf da net...but...nak demam!!!! wakakakaka....

p/s : fah, thanx loads for listening to my probs...Am sooo glad dat u finally know me totally! And thanx for understanding me and accepting me as who i am...And no matter what ppl do to destroy our friendship, i believe we will always pull through....like we always have...Atleast now, i have nothing to hide from u...And u have no idea how relieved i am...U knoe i love u! I'm always here for u and u knoe u can trust me...Muuaaaaahhhxxxx!!!!!! Love u!

My past

2007-05-25T02:25:00.000+09:30

Yo!
hehehe...i'm still awake...I actually have piles of paper around me...buat assignment! I have bertimbun assignment and everything is due next week! Luckily i finish one addy...Tomorrow got presentation...huhuhu...

Nyways, i was webcamming with my mom tadi...chatting...cannot speak...fah and qilah dah tido...i miss home!!!! i just realised how much i'm missing da stuff dat happens at home...nak balik!!! I'm so gile excited to balik k...but everytime i think bout balik k.l., sure i think bout exam also...I have to through exam first then only can balik....

Tadi, when i was doing my work, i realise dat there's someone i really want to see....I miss her gile...She's da only one person who actually knoes da truth to da dark secret in my life...Its been sooo long since i even heard from her...I remember da day dat i talked to her in the school bus and spilled everything...hahaha...i dunno how laa she knew there was something wrong wif me...OMG...dat was soo long ago!!! Dat was like wat...5 years ago...Talking to her was da one thing dat made my day...hahah...She made my problems become my past and since talking to her bout it, i never even thought bout it...well, sometimes ada laaa...I've dug such a deep hole and shoved my secret in and nobody will ever find it...only one other person can find it...hahaha...I miss my Kak Mi!!!!!! Rumah je dekat, but i never see you!!! Its been wat...2 years kot since i saw u...Hopefully u're doing great...

To be honest, nobody really knows who i really, truely am..i mean, u ppl know me but u will never really know da real me behind me...not if u dont know my secret...hahah...scary huh...dont worry...am not faking who i am...I'm still da jamin u ppl knoe...its just dat certain past in my life was never meant to be known and if u dont know dat part of my past, u will never know my true story...heheheh...It really doesnt matter...I made a promise to myself dat, that part of my past will never affect who i am...so, i'm still me...hehehe...

Nyways, am gonna go sleep now...Nitesssss!!!!

Qilah wilah!

2007-05-22T18:35:00.000+09:30

Long time no see!!! hehehehe...Nyways, i've been tremendously busy lately...its crazy! I'm crazy! I've head tests, assignments a whole lot of other stuff slammed into my face...All dat i have to within these 2 weeks before exams start...jeeeezzzz!!! Dah laa sejuk giler!!! Its so cold sampai u cat do anything at all to warmkan ure badan...my room pon sejuk giler!!! Da scary part is dat its not even winter yet!!!

But then, i've also been so much better emotionally...Somehow, all the problems i had before just faded...Well, not faded laa...i just dont think bout it nymore...Wat ever happens, happens lah...Dont care addy...I've had sooo much fun da last few days...Dat day, we went out to dinner at this italian restaurant on lygon...hahaha...dat was sooo fun...My buddy buddy qilah, bawak da tobasco bottle pegi dinner k...She's been soo gile with tobasco so she takut da resturant takde tobasco...So she bawak da bottle in her pocket...hahaha...It turns out da restaurant ada tobasco...Then, she ate her pasta thingy with da tobasco and finished the whole bottle...hahaha...She was so malu to ask for another bottle sampai i had to ask the waiter...Btw, da waiter was hot k..He's bald la tapi...So, we call him kepala bo...hahaha...He's like, "U finished the whole tobasco bottle?!"...He kept on making fun of qilah da whole nite k...Even when we went for ice cream, he went to da same shop! He even told da ice cream lady to give him one spicy ice cream for qilah....hahahah...kesian qilah...Dat was sooo fun...Oh, and i ate loads of desert...makan cake and ice cream....hahaha..now jamin dah gemuk!

Nyways, jamin has to get back to her work...bye!!!

This is qilah wilah with her ballet outfit of the day!!! hahaha...where's u're tutu babe?!'

This is my spaghetti bridge!!! huhuhu...Dah siap!!

Jamin is going nuts!!!!

2007-05-03T05:50:00.000+09:30

Hahaha...just now jamin wanted to say something but now she dah lupa...hahaha...typical me! Nyways, i've had like 3 cups of coffee and now cannot sleep addy...I've been trying to stay awake trying to do my stupid online test...Ada 3 pulak tuh! Its due pukul 8 pagi !!! Actually, its written there 7.59a.m...Hahaha...Susah gile ok those tests...Trust me, i wouldnt have done it if it didnt kira in my final marks! 15% ok!!!

Nyways, esok class is at 2.30p.m...so ok laaa, can bangun lambat...Oh no! cannot...got bridge building meeting at 12.30...Oh, tadi, when i was trying to show to my parents half of da bridge, i terpatahkan da bridge!! Oooopppsss!! hehehe...My teammates are sooo gonna scream...Nasib baik sikit je...Dangerous lah to put dat thing at my place..Esok, i'm gonna bee soo bz!!! Got meeting at like 12.30pm....then got stupid math class and another test till 4.30p.m...After dat i got to balik and do some research then malam got to do work on professional practise with kumaresh....So much 4 having break tomorrow...

After class just now, i went to da gym at like 2.30-4.00...Hahaha...I almost fell flat on my face on da treadmill ok!! If i fell, my Kissy sure dah takde rubber face to pull!! Hahahah...So many ppl were watching...malu gile!!! hahaha...DA AZAN TENGAH BUNYI NOW...DAH MASUK SUBUH!!! heheheh...nyways, after da gym today, my badan sakit ok!!! But i ran like only 10 mins on da treadmill...I cannot push myslef nymore...Usually, i would say to myself..."one more min je..come on jasmin..u can do it!!" Somehow, today i wasnt listening to myself...I terus tekan da stop button...hahaha..I came back je, i vacuumed da whole hs! Rimas lah tgk da hs soo messy...

Oh! I forgot to say that we went to surprise esther 4 her birthday! She was soo surprised!

ESTHER!!!
Happy Sweet 19th babe!!! Muaaaahhhxxx...

Suddenly je jamin soo not sedih nymore kan...Now, Jamin dosent give a damn bout other ppl...She does what she wants and not think too much bout her stupid problems...Jamin needs to learn to have fun!! huhuhuh...I'm just soo tired of thinking bout things dat are not worth thinking...Y should i do it for others if others dont do it 4 me? Rite? Now, it's weird dat i just dont care anymore...Its soo much easier this way...Kurang stress kau tau...Besides, it probably helped dat i talked to my mom on da webcam tadi...Lama jugak laa...Its good to knoe dat she can actually listen to my problems...There's always a first for everything...This is definitely da first for this...heheheh...

Jamin dah sleepy...Nitesss!!!!

Suddenly, da world seems better...for now at least...

2007-05-01T10:16:00.000+09:30

Things have definitely been better da past 2 days...Hahaha..but still not enough sleep...Dunno y i'm always soo hyper at nite...Especially last nite...In da past 3 days, i've only had 10 hrs of sleep...Crazy Fah nak bagi i sleeping pill pulak tuh...gile!!! Nanti langsung tak bangun for today's class...Last nite was better laa...I slept at like 3 but somehow i wasnt totally asleep...My brain was still aware of some noises..An no! Its not sounds dat i wouldnt want to hear...Natasha saje je want to scare me k...Hahaha...I could also hear natasha's head langgar my katil like 3 times while she was sleeping...hahaha...Sebab tu pagi ni she woke up tak sakit kepala...My class is in one hour and da half and i woke up early!!! My mata sakit but i think i'm still hyper...huhuhu

My emo post tu, u can just ignore actually...Let me worry bout me...And rite now, me dont want to think bout me's problems anymore...Me want to enjoy stay in melbourne...But me also want to study well...So, me cannot afford to think bout me's problems...huhuhuhu...

I'm soo lapar laaa...but lazy nak turun to get something to eat...Aiyoooo...today i have math lecture...Always soo lazy to go to dat stupid class...But i missed so many classes addy...Last week langsung didnt go to math class...

Nyways, am gonna be bz 4 da next few weeks...I've got da stupid bridge to finish...then i still have my personal developement plan to finish...I havent started on dat at all!!! Its due in 4-5 weeks!! Shit mannnn....Exam lagi...Aiyooooo

To my sayangs in k.l, i can wait to see u guys!!!! Woohoooo!!! i'm finally coming home soon....Dont ask me when soon is...heheheh...SURPRISE!!!

2007-04-29T05:53:00.001+09:30

Its like 6 a.m here and guess wat!! i havent gone to sleep...I cant...i just cant shut my brain off...I can actually hear da neighbour waking up and switching on all da lights...hehehe...Da subuh azan even went off just now...hehehe...

Hahaha...i find this funny...I've been trying to sleep for da past 5 hrs and staring at da ceiling and even trying to read a book...hahaha...my eyes are just soo tired but my mind just wont shut!!!

Aiyooo...i need to sleep laa...I only have 6 hrs left to my bridge building meeting at 12 p.m...I'm gonna be soo dead tomorrow...

Jamin needs to sleep!!! I havent been able to sleep properly for da past week...Was studying till like friday...but today i just cant sleep for stupid reasons...hahahah...

Nitezzzzzzz...Jamin is gonna try to sleep...Good morning!!! :)

!!!!!!!

2007-04-29T01:38:00.000+09:30

I was sooo stupid to think dat things would be soo much better here in melbourne!!! It's worst!! I feel everything here...Anger, hurt, everything!!! It doesnt help dat da only ppl i can talk to are back in K.L...

Never in my life would i imagine feeling this way again...I cant even cry nymore...No more tears...hehehe...When i do cry, its to my mom or alone sometimes even wif my hsmate...It's just reached a point where i dont give a fuck nymore!!! I'm sooo tired of thinking bout da small little things...I'm soo tired of trying to fit in here...I'm soo tired of everything here...I just want dat break in june sooo badly...

I've been soo numb dat i feel like crying now but cant cry nymore...There hasnt been a day since...erm...maybe 2 weeks ago dat i havent felt like crying...Sometimes, i just tahan from morning and burst out b4 i go to sleep...It's actually been a routine actually...hahaha...

Dont ask me wat's wrong...everything is wrong...Da fact dat ppl are not telling me things are wrong...Da fact dat i'm soo far away from my family is wrong...Da fact dat i'm not myself here is soooo wrong...Da fact dat i cant seem to fit in here is wrong...Wat's even more wrong is dat i dont like it here...

Only sooo little ppl know how horrible it feels when this is how u feel...Everyday is a struggle...Hopefully, tomorrow will be better than tomorrow...HAHAHA...i doubt it will...

Tomorrow is bridge building day!!! U think dat's fun? hahaha...It's more stressfull then anything...

2007-04-23T00:00:00.000+09:30

Da last time i felt this way was when my parents left for malaysia....I cried more than once today...and now my kepala sakit...my mata sakit...semua laa...I thought crying in da morning was enough addy...I thoughtt since i already went out and did some retail therapy, things would get better...It actually got worse...hahaha..more crying at nite...Just now, i was trying to study...Da book je was infront of me...My mind was totally in a different place...

I called my mom and we talked...I poured out everything i was feeling...Of course, my air mata was pouring like rain...hahaha...I havent really talked to my mom for a while...I mean, i talk to her but I never tell her my problems...Talking to her just now reminded me of how good it feels like to just talk to her....I realise that in this whole world, she's da only person i can talk to...I was talking to her and I felt like she really knew me...She knows more about me than i thought she would...

I just need to start talking to her more since i just have nobody here to talk to...Ppl do not knoe how it feels to be in a diff country and be totally alone...All da problems u face and u have totally nobody to talk to...It just hit me dat i trust ppl too much till now, i feel like i cant trust anyone nymore...

Now, I just feel like i cant focus on my studies nymore...I'm soo much more worried bout other things...I mean, i knoe dat is bad, but i cant help it...I cant help feeling this way...And...It totally doesnt help dat I have a final paper on friday!!! Dat's something i should be worried bout but no matter how much i worry, all i can think of is da things dat have been in my mind for da past week...Dont even ask me wat it is...Only I will know...hahaha...dat's a secret...

Nyways, I actually cannot wait to balik k.l...It doesnt matter how sekejap it is...I just cant wait to take a break from MELBOURNE...As much fun as it is here...It just aint da same as home...

Gymness!!!!

2007-04-20T13:37:00.000+09:30

Da past few days have been better...Da only thing is, i get sooo sleepy everytime i bukak buku and nak study!!! Even now, i dah sleepy k...Its only 2pm...I'm gonna be very busy...Exam next week, then all my projects dah kene start...

Nyways, like i said, these past few days have been better...On wednesday, i went toda gym!!! Finally k...Dah lama gile i havent gone to da gym...I went for like an hour...ALONE!!!...hehehe...Surprisingly, da next day, my body did not shut down da nest day...hehehe...i'm going again in an hour..huhuhu...suddenly, i semangat gile...

Bout da problems i've been having, Da problems still exist but i'm just taking it in and chilling...hehehe...I'm lucky coz i actually have ppl to talk to...Even last nite, I talked to somebody and lepaskan my perasaan...I went to 7 eleven at like 11.30 p.m to buy my susu and orang juice then balik and talked on da phone outside at da stairs...hehehe...Thanks veryyyy much to da person listening to my problems last nite...Dat person shall be unnamed..hehehe...Nyways, Fah and aqilah dah tido!!!...They slept early...I on da other hand slept at like 3 to study my mechanics!!!

Oh, dat day, i masak !!! I cooked ayam masak kicap!! All alone k...Fah and natasha came back je, i dah siap...huhuhuh...And it was actually ot bad at all...hahaha..It was soo fun...

K lah, i nak go to da gym!!!
Later!!!

2007-04-16T23:11:00.000+09:30

Lately, i've just been doubting myself soo much...i dont even know y...I guess being sooo far away from home has made me do some self discovery...Honestly, now, i just dont know exactly who i am...on da inside i mean...

Sometimes, i feel like i'm selfish...Sometimes, maybe too sensitive...Maybe even too dependant on other ppl...Wat's worst is dat sometimes dat i'm just plain boring and dat i dont have a personality...I've just had sooo many insecurities dat i dont even know myself anymore...

Wat's worst is dat i'm all da way here and da only person i can talk to about al this and not judge me lives all da way back in k.l....I know there are other ppl i can talk to but somehow, its just difficult...I guess there's just no trust yet...I just have no trust towards anybody rite now...So, if u're wondering y i'm not telling any of u guys, its just coz i can't...yet...i dont trust ppl easily...

I realise, dat i have sooo many bad qualities in me dat i dont know wat's good anymore...I know i need to change, but i dont know how...Aiyoooooo....My mind is just soo messed up lah...

Ppl dat are always around me would notice dat i've been distant lately...Dat's coz i just cant deal with all da drama anymore...I do try my best but if i cant, im terribly sorry...Since i've been here, i've totally lost my focus and i cant afford to loose focus on wat i'm doing...So, i'm hoping u'll let me do it by myself...

I feel like i'm talking crap addy..hahaha...emo sial my post dis time...sowwyyy...hehehe...

eh, i just realised something, everytime i'm alone at home, my posts become soo emo...huhuhh...

Chiows!

2007-04-11T16:11:00.000+09:30

I slept with da wall last nite!!! AGAIN!!! hahaha...it wasnt so bad though...Maybe dat's coz i slept at 6 in da morn and woke up at 2 p.m!!! Fah is soo gonna kill me if she found out...hehehehe...See fah, dis is wat happens when u leave ure hsmate alone for a week...She goes crazy and doesnt sleep...All she does is sit infront of da laptop...

I called Fah at like 11 p.m....Before she hung up, she suruh me tido...heheheh...But after dat, i was like goung through ebay online for like 2 hrs...Then, i went up and kemas my room jap and sat down and started doing my lines and circles till like 5 a.m....It was a miracle dat i wasnt sleepy tau...hehehe...Then, i went online again sampai my kepala dah sakit...Lepas 2, tido laaa...

Then, aqilah woke me up to ask bout da internet line...Then, tido balik till natasha called me again...Then, tido again till 2p.m...hehehe...My mom dah kerat my neck k if she knows...

Now, i'm watching tv...Natasha just called bout some boots she saw for like $12...hehehe...I got new boots!!! woooohooooo!!!

Cant wait for fah to balik!!!

Chiows!!

2007-04-10T17:25:00.000+09:30

There are times when i feel hurt

And its nobody's fault...

It just happens...

Maybe its coz i always stay by the side

and never stand out...

I'm me...

Have always been da same...

never changed abit...

Ppl just need to accept ME...

I honestly do wish i was different..

Trust me, i do...

I wish i was more intouch with my feelings,

I wish i knew how to be more emotionally attached to ppl,

I wish i was more outgoing,

I wish i was not as boring,

I wish I would be more comfortable with ME,

I wish a lot of things...

But mostly, i wish ppl would just treat me differently...

Sorry, dat was me crapping bout how i feel ...underappreciated...hahahaha...normally i dont get emo...well, i do laa but i get emo by myself and never let ppl know...i just need to let it out...

Btw, being alone at home sucks!!!!

My sayang!!!

2007-04-09T01:45:00.000+09:30

Thanxxx to all my darlings who wished me!!! I really appreciate it...I love u guys!!! Miss u guys loads!!!

Farhah!!!
Dis u say u wanna give me pressie?...heheheh...ok ok...i balik in june...I want to see my pressie!!! Thanx for remembering ure crazy fren's burfday...I know u miss me!!! I'll call u soon!!! I miss talking to you...I cant wait to balik in june laa pulak...Instead of shopping...I'll spend my time and money wisely by talking to u on da phone...Da money will go to da bills instead of shopping...hehehehe...Make sure u make time for me!!! huhuhuh.

Love u Fers (duno how to spell...heheheh)!!!

Ja
Aku tau kau sayang aku!!! hehehehe...thanx for remembering my burfday...I knoe u miss my rubber cheeks!!!! I miss u pulling it!!! hahahah...our old days were fun...I miss you loads mannnn!!! I wish u were here to celebrate wif me... :( ...Oh, I still my da gossip magazines... We buy one every week...huhuhuh...can't live without it!! U can have my dvd's laa sayang! Oh! And i wont be the other girl k...i tak nak curi bf orang!!! Aku doakan je mark ngan gf dia tuh ehm ehem...heheheh...kau tolong doakan...wakakakak...jahat sialll...Kau ajar aku benda jahat dowh...

Love u jar jar binks!!!

Kissy
Thanks for ure wishes!!! Ingat pon kau!! Mark takde laaa...Kau tolong aku panggil dia...He wont come one...he live soo far away...I'm a sad case mannn...

Love u kissy!!!

Yusnie
Thanks babe for da wish...I love u mann...I miss u like cwazzzyyyy!!! Make sure when i come back, we go out everyday!!! We go to da gym!!! I dak mokmok!!! heheheh...Good luck for ure exam and study hard k...Then, u can come to oz!!!! huhuhuhuh....Babes, imagine if u come here, we all live in one place..its gonna be sooo funnnn!!!! Consider it lah!!! Kau ni, yundek ah!!!

Love u yunnie!!!!

Natasha
Babes, i sooo appreciate what u've done...Thanks for temaning me while my homiey takde...Kau lah kawanku dunia dan akhirat...wakakakak....Thanx for da surprise....I love u!!!!

Ure my monkey #1...muaaaahhhxxx
Love u monkey!!!

2007-04-09T00:51:00.000+09:30

Azzad, me, nat and aqilah!!!

My monkey #1....

Monkey #2!!!!

Dat was all of us...huhuhu...funnesss!!!

Esther, Cindy 'monkey', and me wif my cake!!!

My cake!!!! Thanx to da two crazy monkeys (nat and cindy)!!!

In all da funness...I still miss my homiey and bestie!!!! Wish u were here...

2007-04-09T00:49:00.000+09:30

JAMIN IS 19 YEARS OLD ADDY!!!!

Today was better than i expected...normally, birthdays are just like any other day...today was different...

Last nite, my parents called me...my dad was like so excited to call me on midnite but he terawal...hehehe...so cute...i'm soo glad he's been soo different since i came here...I talked to mummy, tok mak and mak da on da phone...they were all wishing happy birthday to me...how cute...

Natasha and i planned a bbq for today....but i totally didnt think bout my birthday...hahaha...its true!!! tak caya ask natasha!!! so, last nite, we bought all da stuff and marinated da lamb, meat and chicken...We slept really late last nite....Da tv was watching natasha...hahahah...typical her...she's like my mummy...hahahah...I pulak sibuk reformatting my laptop...

Today, we woke up late!! I bangun natasha belum bangun yet...She was suppose to go to 'drama'...hahaha...She went out at 11.30 then i lepak downstairs wif my laptop...hehehe...she balik, we masak da rest of da stuff...we masak da rice, did da salad...Oh, and natasha brought back a cake...she said dat cindy 'monkey' did it...she said monkey was lazy to bring it later so she ask natasha to bring it first...I was like, nak bawak tu pon malas ke...hahahha...it just didnt make sense to me...

Then, we went down to prepare ourselves for da bbq...esther burnt her hair!!! hahahah...so farny...she burnt da front part of her hair...huhuhuhu...tu la esther...i told u to stay there quietly and dont do anything...kesian her...

When we were preparing, suddenly, esther and natasha and cindy were singing ahppy birthday to me...So loud k...da whole apartment can hear...then, when i saw da cake, it was so cute!!!! Apparently, natasha didnt have 'drama' meeting...She went back to help Monkey bake da cake...I really fell for da drama thing k...aiyooooo....

We thought da food was too much, but it was actually just nice...nasib baik...yani's dessert and da cakes were really good!! Da rice habis pulak tuh...hahahah...dat was fun...Oh, and we met new ppl...alia and milo...huhuhuh...

Then, they all came and lepak at my place...we talked and talked....aqilah came later wif jen and her sis...SHe even got me a pressie!!! Thanx babe!!!

In all da excitement and fun, i really missed my bestie and my hsmate...We called her while eating dessert and was feeling down...She made me cry!!!!

Fah, I really miss u!!! I really wished u were here to celebrate wif me...I hate da thought dat we were all having fun and u were upset all da way in k.l....Terasa guilty pulak...Babes, don't worry so much k..I'm sure ure cousin is going to be just fine...If anything, u can always talk to me...I'll be here...lagi 2 hari je babes and u'll be back here in Melbourne...I heart u!!!!hehehehe...MUAAAAHHHXXX!!!!

2007-04-05T18:17:00.000+09:30

Today was sad k...first time i balik rumah it was soo gelap...dah laa tido sorang...aiyoooo...I miss my homiey!!! badly!!!! Ok !!! dah...no sad sad...

Last nite when fah balik, i was tahaning nangis k...then, stupid natasha go and tell fah i nangis...aiyooo...after dat, all my tears jatuh...hahaha...

Nyways, today, natasha left early for her exam...and i woke up at like 9 coz fah message me that she already sampai...then slept back till Cindy woke me up at like11.30...we got ready then went out to look for barkly street...suppose to meet natasha there and teman her go see da agent for her apartment...so, we went to inspect a few apartments...

Then, we went to eat lunch then went to change cindy's ipod speaker in da city...then, we balik...
Now, i sorang kat rumah...natasha went o da suburb for da nite...So, tonite its just me at home... :( scary aah jugak!!

I still cannot believe fah balik malaysia k!!!! Am in denial k...

Homiey!!!
How was ure ride da airport? heheheh...I know ure first day back sucks but dont worry...u'll enjoy ure holiday soon...mine is not soo good either...u takde! I just hope u dont enjoy sangat sampai u tak nak come back here k...hehehe... i knoe am selfish...what to do...hehehe...I promise, when u come back, i will appreciate u more!!!! Ok...tak nak cakap dah...nak nangis dah...hahaha...Love u!! muuaaaahhhxxx!!!

2007-04-01T20:36:00.000+09:30

This was our nite out wif our new frens...hehehe...Kak azni's face turned white...hehehe...my cam's fault...

Craziness during da blackout...wakakaka...

We got stuck in da apartment coz da lift cannot use...so, crazy fah and aqilah climbed up da stairs to da 28th floor!!! respect mannn...Then, after dat, both jadi gile....hahahah

Ok. this is an old pic...first time naik tram! hahahah...jakunness!!! Ni masa baru-baru sampai melbourne...

Oh, i thought this pic is cool!!!

This, is aqilah being tired from climbing up da stairs...hahaha...another craziness in da blackout...

Got more pics, but malas laaa..tomorrow k...

Oh, today was fun giler...we stayed home da whole day!!! it started out weirdly coz...i fell off da bed!!!! i was sleeping comfortably, i turned to my left...then, i jatuh!!! dah laa bangun lambat...11 a.m...then, my hand hurt from falling off da bed...Let me tell u something, i tak penah jatuh katil k...MY WHOLE LIFE...NEVER!!!!

Then, da whole day, i was drawing my design....like orang gile k...natasha and fah pon was studying da whole day!!! after 3, everybody just became crazy!!! we were laughing our ask off!!! i dont exactly know y...oh, and i didnt mandi da whole day till like 7 p.m...hehehe...my perut dah kempis from laughing too much!!!

I'll post up da pics esok!!!

byeee

2007-04-01T20:33:00.000+09:30

2007-03-31T09:01:00.000+09:30

Sorry for dat crazy short post...Just am not feeling dat good...dont ask me y coz i wont tell...actually, i pon dunno y...heheheh...

One of da reason is dat, i dah 2 kali tulis a long post and suddenly i cannot post...geramnya!!!

So now, i malas nak post back all da stuff...hehehe...i'll just put up da pics k...

Today i bangun awal...hehehe...awal is like 9 a.m...hehehehe...i woke up and natasha already left...aiyooo...so boring...now, i sorang je dah bangun...today, i nak buat my keje...i have tonnes of assignment to do...havent started on one of them pon...

Actually, i have loads to spill but some of them are not appropriate to spill it here and da rest tu i dah lupa...i've been laughng a lot jugak but i cant remember y...hehehe...ja! i feel u mann...i totally understand what u mean...hehehe...

Nyways, last nite i found out dat haris sorang je kat rumah...I bet he's having his fun....My parents went back to kelantan for da weekend...Normallah, da sultan's birthday...heheheh...i'm soo bored actually now...just waiting for da ppl in da hs tu bangun tido...

2007-03-31T08:55:00.000+09:30

Dont ask me how i feel...not good!

2007-03-19T20:12:00.000+10:30

Jamin can cook!!!! heheheh....I just finished cooking spaghetti...hehehe...but its actually da curly pasta wif tomato sauce wif seafood...hahaha...fah is soo gonna be terkejut when she balik...

Da whole time i was cooking, i was thinking bout one thing that has been bugging me 4 da past few hours....I hate thinking bout guys!!!! geramnya...I just dont want to worry bot guyz now!!! aiyooo...stress laaa...

Nyways, last weekend was sooo much fun...we went bowling, played pool, and balik lambat giler...hehehe...But today, i was sooo sleepy...so lesson learnt...no more late outtings....hehehe...I'm laughing alot huh?..hehehe...

Am going to natasha's place to get her so....bye!!! hehehe...

2007-03-05T21:16:00.000+10:30

Jamin feels like her mata is gonna pop out...Sakit mata giler...i've been wearing contact lense since this morning...But she malas nak bukak...

Jamin has to study but somehow its almost 10 pm and she feels like sleeping early...hehehe...

Actually, wat happened to day was dat...IT WAS DA MOST STRESSFULL DAY EVA!!!! I had engineering design and my brain was going to pop out!!! Its da most painfull subject eva...My hand actually hurts from holding da ruler too long and also from pusinging da stupid compass around!!!

Nyways, jamin was gile stressed when she came back...then, she talked to abg rizal and kak fuzah...suddenly she jadi hyper...she told mark she had too much sugar...hehehe...but not really...

To ja!!!
I think, by da time u read this, sure ure birthday dah pass or atleast ure reading this on ure birthday...Nyways, HAPPY BIRTHDAY babe!!! Ure jamin loves u loads...Everything's gonna be fine...Like i said, pray alot k...I love u and i'll always be here for u...Muuaaaahhxxxx!!!!

Ok ppl!!! Jamin nak go mandiness...she got studying to do!!! bye!!!

2007-03-02T15:48:00.000+10:30

Nowadays, i malas nak blog lah...dunno y laaa...Rite this moment, i rasa nak blog coz fah is sitting beside me blogging...So, what da heck...

Nyways, since my parents balik i got terribly homesick...So, everytime i'm alone, i get upset giler and i end up crying...but for da past few days, its gotten better...Maybe coz i rajin curi ppl's wireless line at home and i can go online....hahaha...but still, i get scared coz nanti i have to pay somemore for this stupid laptop...

Nyways, today i had only one class coz the other 2 were cancelled...then, me and my frens went o get books...Books here are giler mahal k...Oh, n i met this guy here that i think i not only like but am slowly admiring him...dunno where dat's gonna take me...nyways, dont worry bout me, no hopes there...maybe there is laa...abit only...

I just got pics from abg rizal of my cousin's outing dat day...i soo miss them...especially aliyan and qistina...i feel like cubiting aliyan...geram giler...i swear, when i come back, da first thing to do is go out wif my cuzzies...

Rite now, this moment, i'm not sad or nything....just very da geramness coz our stupid hs phone is still not connected...i dunno la wat is da problem here...macam nak bunuh je optus nih...oh, optus is da phonel line btw...

Nyways, my beloved frens should know dat i miss them like shit...I wish u guys were here...am watching amercican pie 2 now and i was just thinking dat if u guys were here, da hs will be sooo bising k...aiyooo...i miss u guys laaa...dat day kan, fah, nat and i watched da sabah video...soo fun k dat time...dat was da best holiday ever...u guys should come here laaa then we can go oiliday somewhere together...thatt would be soo fun...

Ja!!!! aku dah jumpa laki yang aku suke kau tau...tapi tak tau laa kalau dia suka aku...hehehe...we'll talk later...miss yah!!! Nobody knows how to touch my nose like u do!!! hahahah...

Farhah!!!
dont laa worry bout me...u should come here if u nak jaga me...heheheh...i'm ok laa now...tak laa homesick sangat...i need to tell u something really important!!! Go laa online malam....kite nak tell u something ni...i miss ya loads!!!! dont worry k...

Fah,
ure sick!!! hahaha...ure da bestest homiey eva!!!! Aku jadi giler kau tau duduk ngan kau...hehehe...babes, no worries k...i knoe, wat ever problems we've had b4 we can work it out...i luv yah too much to live wif u and be upset bout it...da trick to it is to be honest k...u can tell me whatever...muaaahhhxxxx!!!

To my bro,

Haris, remember that since i'm not there, its ure responsibility to take care of mummy k...ure da man of da hs now...I want u to study hard k...do ure best...dat's all mummy wants from u tau...love yah...

home sick like crazy...

2007-02-23T00:29:00.000+10:30

I'm in aussie ady...my classes havent started yet and my mom dah balik...i'm feeling very alone rite now...well, I AM alone...hheheheh...fah and natasha are ady asleep...i just cant sleep...i wanna call my mom but nanti i nangis pulak...aiyoooo...wanna call farhah but she's tutoring back in malaysia...this sucks...i dont feel like going back to malaysia or anything like dat but i just miss my mom...dat's all...Everything i see reminds me of her...

I'm not scared or anything i just miss my mom...dat's it...nyways, i'm surei'll be fine sooner or later...Its just i 'm very dependant on my mom...Issues concerning my mom are a sensitive issue to me...

Wat happened was dat my mom came down here wif me about 2 weeks ago...then my dad and my bro came last week...today, they all went back...suddenly, i'm left alone...I knoe dat i have my frens wif me but its just not da same as having ure family around...

Nyways, tadi, i called tok mak and alhamdulillah she's fine...she's back to normal...then. i had a long chat wif kak fuzah pulak...by then, i was fine laa...abit cheerful coz suddenly got internet conn...but when i was cleaning my room a few minutes ago, i just felt like da room was empty coz normally da room penuh wif luggage...and now, i am back to when my parents just left...crying everytime i think bout them...aiyoooo...hopefully things will get better soon...sakit kepala ady from crying...

p/s: kak fuzah. i know u want pics but later maybe next post k....got no pics yet laaa...malas to take...

2007-02-02T02:10:00.001+10:30

Its exactly one week b4 Jamin leaves for Aussie and she hasnt even started packing!!!! Damn!!! I just dont knoe where to begin packing...

Oh, all this while i havent been updating my blog, its not coz i have nothing to update on but I fel very da malasness...Trust me when i say i've been feeling a lot of emotions lately...Too much actually...But da only emotion i'm not feeling is da sadness of leaving malaysia...hahahha...I dont think i'll cry over leaving malaysia for studies...I'll probably cry when , my family leave me in Aussie all alone next month...

Nyways, i am looking forward to leaving but malas nak pack...So, anyone yang rajin nak tolong jamin is more than welcome...One more thing...Jamin wishes to see all her family and frens b4 she leaves...So, pls do call me up for an appoinment...hehehe...Jamin will try to make time b4 she leaves on da 8th, which is next thursday...

2007-02-02T02:10:00.000+10:30

HELL at HOME!!!

2007-01-18T00:26:00.000+10:30

Sometimes, its just better that he's not around....then i dont have to think too much around da hs...Apparently, he's still gonna be around till monday and dat SUCKS!!! Nak go shopping pon cannot...Wat's worst is dat he got dat 'I dont want to talk attitude'...Macam sial ok...Da house is always so much better off without his attitude...

Whatever lah...to lighten up da mood i'm being rajin and posting pics from my outing wif da gurls and my cousin's merisik function....

hahaha...this was kristin kene tinggal by fah

Me and my cuzzies

da rombongan merisik...

dat's me and my tok mak....aint she cute...

dat's baby alyan teh...

and dis...he's my bro...kononnye handsome lah...

Going to Australia!!!!

2007-01-11T20:34:00.000+10:30

Ok, so i'm going to rmit!!!! Yeaaayyy!!! Da best part is dat i get to stay wif Fah...I know, ppl are saying dat i need to make new frens there but honestly, it makes it easier when u already have a shoulder to lean on...Its gonna make it 100 times easier for me that she's there wif me...

Nyways, there's like banyak gile benda nak buat before i leave...I need to buy some clothes...Need to pack...banyak giler laa but somehow, now, my mind macam blank now...

Honestly, macam frust la jugak coz monash didnt accept my application..It was only 0.6 points short of da requirement...I was frustated coz its like i'm not good enough pulak...And i didnt have any other choice to go anywhere else...Dont get me wrong, i'm sooo glad i masuk rmit but its just better dat i have a choice...It shows dat other universities are interested in me too..But, what da heck, i'll choose rmit jugak in the end...Suddenly, yesterday, when i went to college to pay da deposit for rmit, da lady gave me my firm offer from Australian National uNIVERSITY...Bangga giler...ANU is one of da top unis jugak...heheheh...But i didnt tell my dad..Nanti dia nak i go to ANU in canberra pulak...Dat place is sooo boring...

So, in the end pegi rmit jugak...Wuuuuhuuuuuu!!!! Frens and family, u guys can come down anytime!!! Hahahah..Sorry, dah over excited pulak...

New handphone!!!

2006-12-31T19:07:00.000+10:30

My n90 handphone dah rosak...It got dipped in salt water while i was in Bali...Bodoh tak? Now, i'm looking at buying a new phone but dunno wat phone to buy...Da one dat i've been wanting, n93 was not as good looking as i thought it was...It looks weird...But not dat bad lah...Mahal pulak tu...I wanted to buy n90 again but apparently, it is not being produced anymore...I love dat phone...Sayang giler...Now, its either i get n91 or n93 or n80...Pening kepala...

Nyways, its new years eve today and i'm bloody sleepy...Had dinner wif fah and her parents last night...Dat was fun...I'm suppose to celebrate new years wif fah and all da rest but i have bbq at my aunt's place then esok i have to go to da driving range super early...I have to be there at 7 a.m...So, i decided dat i'll spend new years wif my cousins instead...I havent done dat...

To my frens and family, Happy New Year!!!

When jamin has a misunderstanding wif fah

2006-12-23T18:55:00.000+10:30

Something happened today dat i never thought it will ever happen...Fah and I had a little misunderstanding...I bangun je kene marah coz my dad cannot find his camera...I havent seen da cam in weeks...He was da one who took it Iran wif him...Somehow its always my fault...Then, Fah called...and things got worst after dat...

I went to this stupid kenduri where all da ppl there were like old ppl...I felt soo out of place k...At da same time, I was trying to deal wif this Fah thing...Macam nak nangis k...It was all just wrong timing...So many things made me mad today...even da small little things...

This whole leaving for aussie is getting me worried...We're both stressed out bout it...And my stupid ass dad pulak, all he cares is his ego...He doesnt care bout my happiness at all...He made me menyusahkan my own best friend...He made me gaduh wif my own best friend...

Seriously, i hate having fights wif friends...I havent had this much drama since standard 6...Dah laa Fah is like da most important person in my life...My frinds are all very important...And, its not da right time to gaduh...Nanti, pegi aussie langsung takde kawan...Nyways, Fah and I made up in da afternoon...Da misunderstanding lasted for like a quarter of a day...I seriously cant stand having a fight wif her...Susah giler...Dah la both of us are emotional ppl...And da worst part of it was me being totally selfish...

Babes, u know I love u..Its just dat i was dealing with some stuff when u called and got a little upset...I know u totally have da right to be sellfish...dat's y i said u just go ahead...I'll deal wif my stuff by myself...I'll get a place by myself if I have to...I dont mind...Dont wait for me...Nanti u lambat...I'm soo sorry for being sellfish or whatever i was being lah...Most of it was my fault...So sorry babes!!! I just get very emo sometimes u know...Muaahhhxxx!!!

10 things ppl should know about jamin

2006-12-22T16:06:00.000+10:30

1) She is very moody...Especially when she just baru bangun tido...

2) Doesnt like ppl going through her stuff...Dat's one of her pantang...Her bro
always kene marah cause he likes to take magazines and CD's from her room
without asking...Feel like killing him sometimes...

3) She admits dat she is very judgemental...She does judge a book by its cover
sometimes...

4) Family is number one in her life...Even her distant family members...

5) She loves her friends to bits...

6) Jamin is quite anti-social...Doesnt like to hangout with ppl she's uncomfortable
with...She's uncomfortable with more ppl than u think...

7) Jamin is a tv freak...She can stay home and watch tv da whole day...

8) Jamin can be a stone sometimes...Can be quite emotionless...She doesnt express
her feelings easily, especially to close family members....

9) Jamin is not dat smart u know!!! She's average...N she's da laziest person on
earth!!!!

10) Jamin wants to go to RMIT!!! Jamin tak nak pegi Monash Uni!!!! HELP!!!!

Its finally over!!!

2006-12-20T16:37:00.000+10:30

So, this whole college chapter in my life is finally over...Well, it was over like last month but i felt da total freedom today when i got my results...Oh, and I have never been so nervous in my life...I've been left hanging since monday to know my results...All they told us was it was gonna come out a week before christmas...So, i thought monday kluar lah...Then, ppl were were saying tues pulak...Suddenly, da website said 20th dcember pulak...Then, da website pulak jam this morning till 1.30 pm...So, i was waiting like crazy...

No, i'm not gonna say what my results were but i have to say that its actually better than i expected...way better actually...Da point is, i'm not sad...but not too happy either coz i need to make sure i get into a university in melbourne first...

Cant wait!!!!heheheh...

Nyways, i've been having a hectic schedule lately...2 weeks ago i went to bali...last week i went to sabah wif da gurls...this weekend i'm going to Johor for a wedding and of course my dad wants us to play golf...then, i need to prepare for my future...

Sabah was great fun...It was refreshing to actually get to spend time wif the gurls je...Thanks sayangs!!!! Oh, but i shall not forget da darkness dat come with it...We all got sunburnt...except for haseena though...My muke dah kelabu k...My shoulder hurts coz pedih...Now, i'm sick...I had like too much durians yesterday and plus with da stress of results coming out...

Last nite i had dinner wif yuns (yusnie)...It was just us...Just wanted to teman her so she doesnt think too much bout all da stuff she's going through...Talked a lot...It was fun...

p/s: I've actually got tonnes of pics but later la yeah...

2006-12-07T12:56:00.000+10:30

Okay, so i've never been soo excited bout watching a local film...but CINTA was great!!! Watched it twice!!! N i'll watch it again...I haven't watched many local films except for gubra, sepet, and PGL and i think i know dat those movies are actually a notch higher than the normal local films...CINTA was actually perfect...Nothing was wrong with it...So, for korang yang haven't watched it, go watch it...Doesnt matter if ure not a fan of malay movies coz its worth it...

So, back to my life, got back from Bali bout a week ago...It was fun...Ok lah...Now, i'm like soo gelap ady...Didn't do much shopping...just bought lots of slippers...hahhaha...

I've got nothing really to tell u guyz...My life's kinda boring now...Holidays...Just dat every weekend this month got functions...This sunday got qistina's birthday party...Then, next weeki'm going to Sabah wif my sayangs...Dat sunday, Kak Fuzah is getting engaged...Da next weekend tu my results would have been out ady...Will be bz wif uni applications and going to johor for a wedding...Then, da last weekend of da year is Raya Haji...Probably going back to Kelantan and celebrating new years there...Ok, there's actually nothing worse than celebrating new years in Kelantan...Aiyooo...

Essay completed...And the holiday begins!!!

2006-11-27T03:30:00.000+10:30

Okay, so finisheing up the 4 essays was not that hard..I could actually do all of it in one day but as usual, its da case of malasness...Now, semua dah siap and rite this moment, my dad is going through it...Gonna be doing da correction later...The essays were very personnel and now my dad's reading it...He's gonna be like "I didn't know my daughter was like this"...hahaha...

Nyways, am leaving 4 bali on tuesday and I have tonnes of stuff to do esok...Have to send daddy's car to the workshop...then go fah's hs and finish up da scholarship application...Maybe even go get my laptop...then go see jade to cut my hair kat klcc...Then, do some shopping, then balik have to do some packing 4 bali...Fuhhh!!! Dat was tiring...

So, I was watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith tadi and its so weird dat I hate Brad and Angelina together but I love the movie...I'm like a huge jen-brad fan...But brad and angelina got some chemistry together mann!!! And da movie's like sooo cool...

Okay, so I dunno wat to write ady...So, I'll see you when I see you!!! Adios...

Holiday!!!

2006-11-23T03:45:00.000+10:30

So, u know da stomach pain i had last night, it actually lasted till lunch time today...Dah laa i had to drive to Subang to eman my mom snd her car 4 servicing...My body was also aching coz i played golf 4 lke da first time this year...Now, my pinggang macam nak patah...While waiting 4 mummy's car, went to mak chom's place...

U know the bali holiday i'm taking at da end of this month, my dad tak nak pegi pulak...So, we have to find a replacement...Called fah, she tak nak pegi pulak...Then, i asked la kak ina if she nak go...She pon on holiday till jan...Mula2 she nak pegi, then she suggested mak chom pegi since mak chom nak sangat holiday dari dulu...In da end, we decided that mak chom will bring abang azraai and kak ina skali...Yeaaayyyy!!!...The more the merrier...

...Hahaha...Atleast, daddy tak pegi, we get to have an actual holiday without him screaming in our ears all da time...Now, just tinggal nak change daddy's ticket to mak chom's name...If can then baru nak book abang azraai's and kak ina's ticket...Hopefully can...If cannot then it looks like it'll be me, mummy and haris je lah...

Suppose to be at klcc in da evening but went lunch wif mak chom and all so balik lambat...I pon malas nak go klcc...No mood ady to go shopping...Now, i'm better off staying home alone and just watching tv...Gotta start on da scholarship essay also...

Esok, no plans, just nak send my laptop then maybe dinner go out...Yeayyy!!! Relaks...Nyways, i'm sick of seeing ppl ady...Probably, need time by myself...And play golf...hahaha...Dunno lah, lately nih malas nak go out wif my frens...Even if i go out pon, nothing much...

Rite now, i feel like da ppl who kononnya know me pretty well ady dont actually know me that well at all...Coz i still feel hurt by them...

And, dont bother asking me what that's about...I wont tell...Its between me and me...hahaha...

Cant sleep!!!

2006-11-22T06:58:00.000+10:30

Its like 4.30 a.m. but i takleh tido...Got back from watching da Bond movie at 3 but now i sakit perut...Gastrik or wat i dunno lah...

Today was like oklah...Went to fetch fah from college then went to one utama...Oh, and guess who we saw? Of all da ppl, kne jugak jumpe bitch tu...Nyways, bought a few stuff...Was not really in da mood to shop nyways...Ja and i left early coz we wanted to beat the traffic...Hahaha...Then got sesat...I ni dah laaa not so good wif roads...jaja tu lagi lah...She's like we follow da road wif alot of cars...I was like u gile?!

Got home earlier than i expected la coz da jam was not that bad...

Esok...dunno wat da plans are yet...I think i'm gonna play golf early in da morn...then go teman my mom send her car to da workshop...then maybe go to fujitsu...Then, probably, klcc meet up wif fah and potong rambut...

Actually, my laptop nih rosak this morning...It on and off by itself...i know rite scary gile...Smalam, i tido, i off da laptop...then in da morning i saw it was on...Went to da shop, they couldnt even get da bloody laptop to on...So, i decided to like send it to fujitsu at menara olympia...Wherever that is lah...But tadi, i bukak ok la pulak...gILE PUNYE LAPTOP...Its not even a year old...Mahal jer but difficult to mantain...

Oh, i saw da n93...Its soooo gorgeous...I sooo want it...Fah and yundek are soo going to scream at me...Now, i'm thinking, should i get it? If i get it, my money RM3000 lesap like dat je...But i want it soo badly...I know, i'm spoilt...Aiyoooo...

Scholarship hell!!!

2006-11-20T19:57:00.000+10:30

So i finished my finals!!! Yeaayyy!!! But somehow da feeling is just like...normal...maybe coz i wasnt really happy with my papers...

Da maths paper was really hard...Maths is not suppose to be hard...I was honestly hoping to do well for dat paper but i think my harapan dah hancur berkecai...I think this exam is da worst exam...Now, i'm starting to think of da possibilities of not going to aussie...Ye lah, macam mana nak go aussie if my results like shit...N i mean like shit tau...I know lah u ppl are thinking when i say like shit means i can still get B...But da truth is when i say like shit is like a C or a D...

N trust me, dats not enough to get into aussie university...Oh, n not only maths was hard tau...All da rest pon hard...Specialist maths tak payah cakap lah...I studied for it da day b4 exam...Dat one awal2 dah gone down da drain...

On the other hand, i'm gonna miss college...I cant believe its been a year...Dis was probabably da hardest year of my life so far but never will i forget da ppl i've met, da things i've learnt and da experience of it throughout da journey of being a college student...I'm gonna miss my classmates...

Another thing dat happened after exam was dat i had a huge fight wif my mom...On friday, after da paper, i went out wif farhah for lunch at klcc then met up wif ja, yunnie, kristin and haseena for shisha...My mom called and asked bout da astro scholarship...I was just simply whining to her dat i'm still malas then she marah me on da phone coz i was complaining dat i have to finish it b4 we go to bali...Then she sed dat if i tak nak go bali takpe...I was like WAT?! Are u kidding?! I didnt mention anything bout not going to bali...Suddenly je...

She sed dat she has a feeling dat i dont care bout da scholarship...Mmg i dont care pon...I admit...But i'll do it if u ask me to...Its just dat, i'd rather feel like studying coz i want to and not coz i feel like if i dont study, there are gonna be ppl coming after me...Its like i'm tied to someone...Dat's alot of pressure...Get it? hahaha..its ok if u dont, i'm just melepasing my emotions...

Then, i balik rumah, my mom like merajuk...She sent me a long sms bout y we couldnt go to bali any other time lah and all da other crap...I was like wtf? I was just whining...I didnt say i tak nak do da scholarship and tak nak go bali...I went to her room and confronted her...Suddenly, i started crying...It's like she doesnt understand da susahness of writing 4 essays especially, when i'm in da mood for holiday...We were shouting at each other like crazy...

But then, malam she sed sorry lah...Dat's wat i love bout her...She will always say sorry...NOT LIKE SOME ONE ELSE TUH!!! I pon cannot last an hour of merajuk wif my mom...My marah hilang quite cepat...I depend on her too much to marah her...I'm not da simpan marah type...

Mak ai!!! My post is bloody long...Sorry guyz...its been awhile since i last posted so macam all da perasaan collected jadi nilah...

Sorry's da hardesst word?

2006-11-08T20:37:00.000+10:30

I dont think many ppl realise how hard it is to live wif someone who's self-centered, and just doesnt care bout anyone else...Its emotional abuse...It chips u off litle by little...

My dad told me to pick him up from city square at 4...I called b4 i left and he didnt pick up da phone...I left anyways thinking dat if i'm late he'll scream at me...I reached at 4 and called like 4 times and he didnt pick up...I waited and waited till 4.30 and still no sign of him and phone dia tak angkat...Bare in mind dat i have finals esok and still need to study...I called farhah and was whining to her like nuts...Screaming my lungs offf to her...Sorry farhah, nyways, thanks 4 listening...

I called my mom complaining...Mmg stress gile...I was about to burst wif tears ady...I was just sooo mad dat he couldnt even call to tell me dat he was gonna be late...5 o'clock, still i cant call him, he pon didnt call me...I was already going nuts...Its, exam stress, my laptop kene virus stress, then waiting 4 him and cannot study stress...All in one..I burst to tears on da phone wif my mom...

At one point, my mom kata, balik jelah...I was just thinking dat how could my dad do this, ikut senang dia je...He doesnt give a damn if i have exam esok...All he cares is what's easier 4 him...Masuk kreta, kluar kreta tu je keje dia...I yang bawak kreta...Get a bloody driver laaa...

So, i texted my dad saying dat ive called him a million times and have waited for an hour...i'm gonna go back coz i have exam esok and nak study...I have no time 4 dis...

I left but tried giving him a call 4 like da 100th time...Finally, he picked up...He said he's not done yet and asked me to wait for a few more minutes...I was just about to scream my ass off to him...But, sabar....

In da car, he said stuff which of course, knowing him, i expected it...He said he was suppose to give me a call first..Padahal he asked me to be there by 4...Tak larat nak gaduh, i just kept quiet...Malas nak layan...

Da worst part is dat, he didnt even say sorry 4 not calling, for making me wait...But da actual fact is, its not just dis dat makes me pissed and upset, its a lot more other stuff as well...This is just icing on da cake...I was tahaning from crying in da car...He didnt say anything else except to defend himself...I went in my room and just let everthing out...This is not how i'm suppose to feel 1 day b4 my exam...

Is it soooo hard to say sorry to your own daughter? For once, just say it lah...Not everything is about u!! Everyone in da hs is feddup but nobody dares to say anything...I'm writing it here coz even i dont dare saying it outloud...

Call it whatever u want, overeacting or whatever...Da thing is u dont know what its like to live wif such a person...Everything has to be his way, he controls everythin...I'm just sooo tired of all this!!! I cant wait to leave da hs...

U may not understand but its ok...I'm just sharing for da sake of me...Just need to get it out...

Pressure!!!

2006-11-03T22:31:00.000+10:30

I cant take it anymore!!! Stop bugging me bout da scholarship!!! I'm about to burst already...My tahap kesabaran dah sampai my head...Just tell me once and i'll know what to do lah...U dont have to keep reminding me of it...Its not like it takes just a few minutes to isi da bloody borang...Pegi mampos ah!!!

My finals is a huge thing but somehow da ppl in my hs buat dek je...How da fuck can u ajak ppl to come over on sunday when i have exam on monday morning...My paper starts at 7 k...Which means i have wake up at 5 and have to sleep early...I pon nak study jugak dat whole sunday...Nanti if ppl come i have to help la...all dat craplah...For once, y cant he just think of other ppl...Fuck ah!!!!

And nak dekat exam nilah he wants me to be his driver...As if i have all da time in da world to study...Y cant they just help me a little by understanding...This sucks...

I know, this is da pressure talking but i do need ppl to understand what's going on here...

p/s: Thanks to my darling frens fah and yunnie for lunch...Had fun...N fah, i had fun tadi...muaaahhhxxx..U ppl keep me sane...

2006-11-01T15:12:00.000+10:30

Y am i not studying!!!! My finals is next week but tak blajar lagi...Ah, whatever lah...Nyways, i've been thinking a lot bout MYSELF...Sometimes i wonder who i really am...I mean, sometimes i feel like i'm boring...

I realised dat i'm such an introvert dat i dont go out and enjoy life...ahahaha...well, maybe dat's not true...I enjoy it enough to not wanna study...hahahha...bUT imagine ppl who really go out there...They must have all da fun in da world...In a way, i'm thankfull coz atleast my parents can thrust me...hehehe...sometimes...But who knows wat i'll turn out to be when i go off to melbourne...Fah sed i have da potential to be da one who'll go clubbing da night b4 exams...I have a feelig dat might be true...

I cant wait till my finals finish...3 more weeks!!! Then, i'll watch x-files and friends till my eyes come off...Wanna continue wif my life...Rite now my life is just in my room...Sad...

Nyways, i'm gonna post my raya pics...

P/S : Some ppl say i dunno how to spell my own name...My name is jasmin...i know...But my frens call me jamin...Dunno y but u can ask jaja...She started it all

2006-10-24T19:31:00.000+09:30

So, ok its raya...Boriiinnnggg!!! Nothing much today...We left da hs late...N da only thing i've done da whole day is eat...I promise myself dat i will not eat anymore today...

Da only thing dat's fun bout raya is dat i get o hang around wif my cousins and play mercun...Yeayyy!!! And this happens only at night when i go to tok mak's hs in putrajaya...Tok mak is my grandma by the way...Normally, my family always balik awal coz my dad tak nak stay long...But tonite...me and haris can balik late...Tupon coz i can drive da car...

Actually, there's a lot i wanna write but everytime i feel something...lets say in da car or something, I always say dat da only way for me to lepaskan my perasaan is to write an entry here...But then, when wanna write, da feeling dah hilang...hehehe...So many times ady like dat...Da feeling has to be fresh...

Nyways, for like da first time my mom drove back from subang wif my dad's car...Tupon coz my dad had a terrible headache and had to berhenti tepi jalan...My dad bukannye tido but he's like controlling my mom's driving...He obviously doesnt trust my mom with da car...Well, cant blame him...I pon dont trust her driving...Its like she's so careless...And i get annoyed when she doesnt off da signal...She forgets all da time...Its like when she's driving she's kelam kabut...I mean, i love my mom but when she's in da car, its a whole diff story...Well, my mom is known to be kelam kabut all da time...

Oh, i went to uncle wan's hs and saw kak lina...I think dat hs is just soo full with love dat i get soo jealous...I mean kak lina's sons just get soo much attention from their parents and grandparents...It sounds weird buteverybody in da hs is like smart, loving and...all dat lah...Uncle wan and auntie yatie are actually my parent's close friends...They have two anak, kak lina and harith...Da thing is, harith is a special kid and i've always admired da way da family takes care of him...Its like da family is perfect...Oh well, maybe i'm just jealous...

Me and the cute babies

2006-10-15T10:58:00.000+09:30

This week was cute babies week...Hehehe...I think it was on thursday, we went to see muiz's newly adopted cousins in Mines...Gile babi comel k...They were adopted from Iran...Mansor and suraya...They are going to grow up to be soo bloody spoilt mann...It was kinda fun...Da worst thing was i had a terrible stomach ache on da way back and was kinda dizzy from sitting at da back seat OF MY OWN CAR!!! Muizlah!!! Bawak kreta like tak penah drive fast car...hehehe...Dat was da worst!!!

Then, yesterday, i went out for berbuka wif my cousins...I had to choose nak go shopping wif my parents ke nak go dinner wif them...Then, my dad nak go isetan je...Boring...So, i went to dinner wif my cousins laa...We went to midvalley...Qistina and alyan was there...Cutest babies in the world...Alyan is just like a teddy bear...Sooo gebuu...gerammm!!!

After all that fun, now have to study...Finals in 3 weeks!!!! Dont ask me if i'm ready! I havent even started getting ready...

So, any body who sees me u have to remind me dat my finals are coming up...Tell me to study...Coz u know...I tend to enjoy myself too much and forget bout finals...hahaha

Long awaited post

2006-10-05T18:23:00.000+09:30

Havent been updating my blog lately....I've been really busy with a lot of stuff...Trials...then finals in a month...Basically that's all lah...But banyak gile benda nak buat...

I actually dont really have a lot to write...Just felt like its been ages since i last wrote...

Oh!! Except dat my trials result really sucked...N i mean really sucked...Dunno laa..I actually studied harder than before...But, my results sama jer...Must be kurang keberkatan...hahaha...

Now, am really busy preparing for finals...But somehow the energy left in my body dah zero...I sleep early every night coz i get soo sleepy sooo early...Last night, i slept rite after sembahyang ishak...Woke up at 1 then did dat stuff 4 yunnie then tido balik at 3...Then bangun 4 sahur at five...then tido balik till 7...Hahaha...Crazy nite, i know...

I've actually got 2 more weeks in school...Before cuti belajar dat is...Even cuti belajar pon have to come for extra classes and mock test...Aiyoooo...I soo have to work my ass off this one month...Hopefully wif dis effort i get to go to aussie and temankan natasha...heheheh...

I've been having these weird dreams lately...But da dreams were soo realistic dat i think its a sign...These are da kinda things that could really happen to me...Whatever lah...stress kot..

Ok got tonnes of homework to finish...

2006-09-07T20:02:00.000+09:30

Suddenly, its ady september....Trials!!!!! Shit!!! I have a feeling dat my pimples are gonna pop out like crazy starting now till november...Everytime exam ad stress, i have pimples...

Lately, everytime i pass this person's hs, i miss her alot...Tiap-tiap hari i pass her hs...She's da only one in this whole world dat knoes my secret...My darkest moments in life...Its been like a few years since i've spoken to her...Haaaiiissshhh...I dont even know how to approach her anymore...I miss talking to her...Nyways, to 'HER', thanks for keeping it a secret k....Miss yah

Today, i had the best day...Fah and muiz came to da hs and we left 4 college together...Muiz was noisy as usual but that's wat made it fun...Even class was really fun...Eh, wait, i had exam laa tadi...Lupe...Normally exams i get nervous...But nowadays i dont really care...Balik pon fun gak...Suppose to have tuition but apparently its jam and da tuition teacher cannot come...This means dat esok got 2 tuition!!! Dats gonna be crazy...Have to rush home 4 tuition at 2 then another tuition at 6.30...Then DIE!!!

I miss my MUMMY!!! Havent seen her in like 4 days...My dad lak, havent seen him also but dat's coz he balik lambat...Dunno la where he goes...Whatever!!!

P/s : I love my frenz!!! Dunno wat i'll do without u babes and dudes!!!Muuaahhhhxxx

2006-08-25T13:57:00.000+09:30

This morning was great coz for once my dad was in a good mood...Trust me..dat doesnt happen often...Oh wait!!! How would i knoe...I dont even talk to him on some days...Da hs is like a hotel for him...

We went to send my car to da workshop then went 4 brunch...Were laughing and all...I actually think that was da 1st time in a long time dat we were actually happy and my dad was not mad bout anything...Then there was this person who ruined everything...Wat a bitch...

Ok that was harsh but who cares...She ruined my dreams of having a perfect day wif my family...Now my day is gonna be like any other day...All becoz of some person dat wants evrything her way...

Cant i just have a happy family?! It might look like its all happy but ppl do not knoe da inside of it...

Ahhh!!! whatever lah!!! Nyways, its da hols but its finishing ady...Monday i have college!!! No!!! I want holidays forever...I didnt even study at all..I'm dead...

Am gonna go now!!

Chiow...

P/s : Jamins goal today is to be positive and control her emotions

2006-08-16T15:19:00.000+09:30

I didnt go to college today!!!! Why? Malas!!! hahaha...Its like da finals dah over...Specialist maths exam was like da last paper after like a month of constant pressure...Hols is next week!!! Cant wait for that...But da hols is study punye hols cause of da trials next month... hehehe

Fah kene gotcha by hitz fm...hahahha...it was unbelievable...but in a way...hitz was so jahat cause they kenekan her with such a sensitive issue...it was something dat was her past...kesian her...I feel u babe!!!

Am sooo not looking forward this weekend...I have to go to melaka with my cousins on my dad's side...Playing golf...I havent played in like months coz of da exams...If i play wif them, i'm soo gonna suck like shit k...Believe me when i say i do wanna play but only if i feel confident with my swing...And its like hell when ure playing really bad...Wat's worst is dat my uncles all think i'm like really good...Well, i was lah..hahahah..but now, its gone down da drain...

I need to start playing again coz somehow i fell like i'm not good at anything now...i use to be really proud that i can play golf really well...But malas gile nak go practise k...I'm soo gonna suck da first practise...Normallah coz it takes time to get ure swing back...But its so discouraging to come and practise again...Aiyooo....

Hahaha now am merepeking bout golf...booooring...i knoe...

Getting my car this week!!!! Dat i'm excited bout...I can smell freedom...

Eh, nowadays my posts boring gile...No emotional posts dah...hahaha...its just dat when i'm emosional n i think "i'm gonna write it on my blog", when i get home and nak tulis it on da blog, dah takde feeling dah...hahaha...dah kemarahan, kesedihan and all da feelings dah gone...so its like tak best lah tulis something dat u dont feel anymore kan...actually, a lot happened but there's soo many of it dat i pon dah lupe...hahaha..

Ok i dah mengarut nih...Tata

My life's a mess!!!

2006-08-05T21:31:00.000+09:30

I'm supposed to be studying!!! But i figured, i need to write something since a lot has been going on in my life...

Today...my cousin got married...had da akad nikah in the morning and then i hang out wif my cousins till bout an hour a go...hahaha...Went to starbucks wif my cousins n QISTINA!!! She is like da cutest and smartest 3 year old i knoe...Well, da only 3 year old i knoe actually...She can hafal soo many songs...Can spell MICKEY MOUSE!!! Alhamdulillah da wedding was smooth...But, somehow it was not as meriah as when kak imee got married a few years ago...Maybe coz of all da stories behind da wedding...Not going to tell u anything bout dat...Its family matter...

So, tomorrow will be da ceremony and am going to sleep over kak ina's hs tonite...Easier 4 us to do our hairs...hahahah...This means no studying tonite...I'm soooo dead...i have chemistry exam on monday then physics on wed...For chem, am half way and havent started my physics...I have 5 chapters to study!!!!Mati mannnn!!!! My exam mood dah hilang coz of da wedding...

What else...oh ya...my frens tell me dat my blog ni too depressing...All i have to say is that this is da place for me to let go of whatever i'm feeling...I tell fah n yusnie n farhah everything but sometimes i feel better writing it out...

Oh!!! i heard the grossest thing that day....eeeeewwww....i cant believe it happened...Cant tell u what it is...

Nyways, need to get my eye away from dis comp...Dah bengkak gile and dis laptop is soo small dat it strains my eye...Need to study also!!!!

2006-07-21T21:38:00.000+09:30

If my entry this time seems scattered and weird, excuse me coz i'm dizzy rite now...

I was just complaining dat i never get sick...Then, on wednesday, i got sick...I mean REALLY sick...Everytime i get sick it's with the muntahing and the peningness and cannot stand lah and all da bad things lah....I cant even go out for a movie which i promised my senior and frens...N...I got open book exam on monday...Dont think i can study rite now...My body temperature was like 103F...

Now, i'm home alone and bored...Cant walk down da stairs coz pening so cant watch tv...So, all i can do now is MANDI!!!

Pics are here!!!!

2006-07-14T21:49:00.000+09:30

hey!!! Since i havent been putting up da pics, i figured i'll put them up in one shot...Malaslah wanna put them up before...so, now, i'm rajin...

2006-07-11T00:20:00.000+09:30

Dunno y but lately, have been feeling kinda moody...Its sooo pelik k...

So, nyways, not much has been happening...College, homework, and all da crap dat comes wif life in college...Oh yah!!! I was high dat day...Hahaha...Funny story really...I was high on shisha...Went on sunday wif yusnie, fah and ja...I sedut banyak sangat kot...Towards the end, i felt like i was floating on air...Fah told me to drive back but she noticed the highness in me so she drove back...My head was so lembik k when i rested it on my hand...I was like one of those patung wif the spring head...hahahah...When i sampai rumah, i felt like i was going to muntah...Luckily it was for awhile je...The lesson is...never leave jamin alone wif the shisha...Guyz...warn me next time...Nyways, i had fun...

I'm actually feeling a lot of stuff rite now...Mad, sad, happy, relieved, angry...everything lah...Expressed everything to farhah ady just now...So there's nothing left in me...Well, got lah but malas wanna write here...

Oh yeah...Sorry coz i havent put up pics lately...my laptop's bluetooth rosak and my cam is wif my mom...so when i'm more free, i'll fix things up and put up pics...

Am sleepy lah...Nite2

You will NEVER get to know da real me!!!

2006-07-03T02:27:00.000+09:30

It doesnt matter how long u've known me, u will never get to knoe da real me if u keep doing da same mistakes...Over and over again...I'm like dat...da more mistakes u make, the further i'll be from u...Next time think of other also...

Aaaahhh...Am just kinda hurt by someone who is being inconsiderate to me...Whatever laaa...

So, went to cheer 2006 tadi...Was not as gempak as it use to be...Got to meet with a lot of orang...Seniors, friends...Seniors all i lama gile tak jumpe...Shazlin slalu aa jumpe when she was at college dulu...Now takde aa coz she dah habis...Others like athirah, hanan and sape lagi ah...havent seen them since their last day of skool...Cheer was ok laaa...We kene halau by some mak cik from sri aman...Coz we took up their seats...Padahal nobody was going to duduk situ...Geram gile...Dahlah perasaan i nak duduk situ...Ingat orang nak duduk situ ngan u ke...I nak cari my phone je...perasan!!!So we had to sit at da stairs lah...Apa ah...

We went back b4 da results keluar...Yusnie and ja and farah all nak balik awal...I cant even pujuk them with my innocent face...I guess it was not so innocent lah if it didnt work kan...We went shishaing (not sure bout da spelling) at damai...Lama gile we were sitting there talking bout cheer, yusnie's weird family and how weird yasmin was...hehehe...Oh! and we got to know dat sbu did not even get a placing in da cheer comp...Dat was like sial k...I swear there has to be somethin wrong with da judges...Titans menang...All they did was wow us with their jinjangness...Seriously...Who da hell letak lagu cina as their song...Geram gile...Even dynamitez yang jatuh pon can get 2nd place...It should be sbu 2nd and xavier first...Hehehe...Or da other way around...But have to admit laa...Xavier was a bit better coz they tak jatuh...

Watever lah...I nak tido coz esok got class...N got tutorial presentation...So not ready k...baru start like 2 hours ago...Lantak lah...Oh and another thing...Aimran is going to uia!!! Macam siallah...He's like my best friend in college...Nanti dah takde orang duduk infront in classes with me...Cannot gossip ady...So sad k...

STRESS!!

2006-06-27T22:52:00.000+09:30

What a stressful day!!! Macam nak mati k...College was tiring like hell today...We had like 4 hours straight of classes...N all da subjects were heavy...we had double period chemistry...imagine this...After our break, we had chemistry, then math studies, then chem again then finally specialist maths...By da time we got to da second period of chem, my head was goin to explode ady...After dah sampai balik pon i only saw numbers and chemistry equations...My mind was so berserabut...

Now dah ok laaa...Nasib baik...actually, nothing much has happened lately...Except for family problems...That's been a normality lately...Whatever lah...Have been having fun at college since after da hols...A bit more bersemangat...Now, everyday after college, i start doing my homework by...erm...6...So, i finish early...Just like when i first started college...B4 holiday hari tu, nak buat hw pon malas coz always stressed out...Sebeb tulah my results mcm babi...Hw pon tak buat...Life is gettin better in college but not at home laaa..

Alah...What's life without problems kan? Whatever lah...

Seeing someone after so long....

2006-06-20T23:18:00.000+09:30

When u meet a family member after years n years, u just realised how much u've missed her all this while...Hahaha...so serious...Dunno y but i've been very fragile emotionally lately...

I guess, after seeing kak kiki again after 8 years, it was an eye opener for me...Its important that u get ure family's blessings in everything u do...Dat's wat i've learned from her...Well, wat's da deal wif this kak kiki rite? She's my cousin whom i havent seen since she got married 8 years ago...i think...Now, she lives 2 minutes away from me...I hope she's happier now...

So emotional lah my post...Dah lah my english class tadi pn zaidah was talking bout mothers and played the song from boyz to men...Mama...So touching...I pulak, when it comes to my mom, am a bit emo...I always sebak di hati everytime i think bout her...

My mata sakit!!!! Eye infection kot...i actually hope it gets worst coz malas go to college...hehehe...sanggup tu menderita just coz dont wanna go college...See, this is what happens when u dont enjoy wat ure doing...So ppl, always think b4 getting ureself into something...

Ah!!! malaslah wanna talk bout college...Oh, but i need to luahkan my perasaan bout my results...Do u knoe how it feels like u just wanna give up? They sent da results to da hs tadi...i simpan je...tak nak my dad tgk...I dont think i've been more mad, sad and dissapointed...I actually studied REALLY HARD for...well, not all subjects but still...like chemistry, i studied like nak mati k...N my results...Bloody dissapointing...I thought i did well...BABI AH!!!

Well, atleast now i'm soooo motivated to do much better...I need to show to some ppl that i'm not stupid!!!! JAMIN CAN DO IT!!!!

2006-06-12T20:58:00.000+09:30

Arrrggghhh!!!! I hate college!!! How bad can life get!!! Dah lah i went to college takde mood langsung...Felt lonely, malas and everything else..Then, ALL my results were given today...Its like dropping 5 bombs in a day tau...

Firstly i got my chemistry paper...Gerrrraaammmnye!!!! I studied sooo hard for that stupid paper and my results...macam babi je...baik tak payah study mcm tu...and mrs boon can say i improve..Crazy or wat? I expected to get pretty good marks coz i was confident i did well...babi ah!!! That made my mood even worst...Didn't talk to anyone k....Was going to cry but had to hold it back coz nanti malu je...

Then, i got my maths...Dat one tak payah ckp lah...Sama je...Luckily farah and yusnie temankan me masa break tau...I can luahkan my perasaan tu them..Thanks babes!!! I seriously needed someone to talk to...After break got all my other results...English yg i thought i can get A to pon tak dapat...Babi ah!!! But then everyone else pon sama je..Only like 3 ppl got A...Teacher sed we terkeluar topic...Lantaklah!!!

My stupid laptop pulak cannot use internet...Make things worst...Life is sooo not working out for me mannn!!! Ingatkan come back from melbourne can be motivated a bit...But then, now its like i cannot make it to melbourne..

Jasmin No!!! Think positive!!!! Isshhhh!!! U can do it!!! I want to go to aussie to study!!! If other ppl can do it, u can do it!!!

Haih...penatlah hidup nih...Looks like life is a struggle for me nowadays...

So sorry guyz...I knoe, i complaint jeee keje kan? But this is what helps me get through this difficult times...This blog helps me loads so just bear with me k...N sorry coz takde pics laa...My laptop rosak so cannot put pics...Pics all in da laptop...

2006-06-11T02:33:00.000+09:30

Oh shit!!!!I tak buat my physics draft yet!!!! Its due sometime after holidays but dunno when!!!Am sooo dead...

Pimples!!!!

2006-06-11T02:09:00.001+09:30

Stupid pimples!!! Sejak aku balik dari melbourne nih, my pimples naik banyak gile...Am going crazy...Fah's pimples not as bad as mine pon...So jealous...

The story in melbourne malas lah nak story-story dah...I told everyone ady...I think da whole world knows dat we bullied kak shura...I tertendang her head lah..we lock her in the closet lah..Nyorokkan her stuff lah...Also dat we miss melbourne terribly...So takyah citer lagi lah...

I actually baru je got back from a kenduri my uncle buat coz he's going 4 umrah...Was soo fun coz got to meet my cousins yg memang i dah lama tak jumpa...But kak ina and abg azraai takde...Dunno where they went...Nemind..kak ina i can see her when she starts college in metropolitan...yeaaayyy..Got kawan to teman me break when i get lonely...Oh! And i ajak her babysit me when i study in melbourne...hehehe..am serious but dunno bout her...My mom was like.."u think it's easy to get a job there ah?"...I dont care! she has to come...Everyone calls her tsar..i call her kak ina..Maybe i should start calling her kak tsar...hehehe sooo weird...

Oh! And i also found out that kak fuzah knows kak shura and her bro...dunno how but...erm...yeah...dat's kinda weird...

I had fun wif qistina...She was very the friendly one today...Comel gile lah...Her bro pon...Pipi comel nak mampos...nak gigit!!!! What else happened there...erm...Oh, i bullied tok mak...i press her knee..she geli..hehehe..i got a big slap on my arm 4 that...i like bullying tok mak...she's sooo cute...

Fah and i went to see this apartment thing in marriot...there's this apartment in melbourne they're selling...Its near yarra river opposute da crown...Its called eifel i think...so we went to check out...Mahal gile!!! It's like rm 1.5 million...But da place is lawa lah...To buy da parking space...50 000 aussie kot...Gile mannn!!! I think its too mahal 4 us lah... I yang boros ni pon tau dat its too mahal...Like dis we bunk in wif kak shura je lah...Hahaha kak shura!!! get ready to sambut us!!!

Hahahahah...this post panjang gile...Orang baca pon naik gile kan? I know lah i tak pandai tulis blog...Nyways...nak tido!!!

Back from Melbourne!!!

2006-06-07T18:23:00.000+09:30

Hi!!!

Okay...I guess this is gonna be a long post coz i wanna tell u all bout my hols in melbourne...Well, it depends if i'm rajin enough...Hehehe...

I actually got back on monday but i was too malas to write...and yesterday was da worst day ever!!! Dunno y but my heart was pumping soooo fast da whole day...It was like da ones i always have b4 exams...

I guess my heart is still in melbourne...I missed everything bout melbourne...Miss the ppl there...Kak alyaa, kak shura and kak ninie...Had fun wif them...Couldnt sit still yesterday...

Was chatting wif kak ina and kak shura and i found out that she knoes kak shura's bro really well...Wat a small world...

Nyways...had a blast in melbourne...Except for the first 3 days i guess...Those were da days when i missed my family really bad...Was thinking that if this is all to it, y even study there...Might as well study in m'sia where i'm more comfortable...

The first 3 days we visited all da universities...rmit...melbourne u and monash...Among those 3, i would kinnda prefer to be in melbourne uni coz i get to spend all 4 years in the city...Rmit, i have to do 2 years in the city and 2 years in the suburb...Monash is all in the suburb which is really boring...It was stressfull visiting those places...Was thinking a lot bout da future...That always makes me nervous...

I bet some of u are thinking y i'am always nervous...I dunno y but it started last year durin the spm trials...I would have really fast heartbeats and couldnt do anything...My mom say its anxiety attack...I remember b4 my spm history paper, i would cry da whole day coz i was too nervous too study...

Now, its even worst. Every time its exam, i have the attack...I knoe, i'am a wreck!!! So yesterday i had the attack again...But this time it was because i was nervous bout going to college...Some of u might not knoe but am going through the worst time of my life rite now...I hate SAM!!! I HATE COLLEGE!!! Things are not great...

Oklah...back tu melbourne...I started having fun when we met up wif kak alyaa...She was showing us all the great places...We were kinda running wild coz fah's parents were not wif us...Oh, i 4got to tell u dat i went wif fah and her parents...My parents didnt come but they gave money though...hehehe...

Then, on saturday, we met kak shura and kak ninie...Hehehe...That was probably the most fun i had this year since college started...We went shopping wif them...Cooked together...of coz wif auntie rosni and uncle ariffin helping us cook...We tried to pujuk them sleep over but it was useless...Kak ninie had to study...So we kesian her and let them go...hehehe...

OMG!!! i just realised that this post is getting too long and boring...So i will post again later and story-story again...

Forgot I Had a Blog!!!

2006-05-28T21:25:00.000+09:30

Hey!!!! I know, i know....Long time no see...Honestly, i forgot bout da existance of this blog...Hehehe...

Besides, have been really busy lately...Just finished exam last week...It was only 4 days but it really felt like a year...I was ready to jump of a cliff!!! I think...i'm gonna fail badly!!! I'm sooo dead...Whatever lah...So, wat's new? Well, i just got back from penang a couple of hours ago...Went to see my uncle who was sick there...N...Tomorrow!!!! Yeay!!! Am going to Melbourne!!! Da thing is, am not going wif my parents!!! Hehehe...Dat should be fun...Going wif fah and her parents...

Oklah...Malas wanna write so long...gotta pack....Bye....Am off to aussie!!!

Worst Day of My Life!!!

2006-05-13T23:57:00.000+09:30

God!!! Help me!!! Get me my camera back!!!

Aiyoooo...Guess what...I lost my dad's camera...New camera...Luckily all our pics from our holiday in the States were transferred to the computer. If not...I would even consider killing my self...Dahlah the new zealand punye videos dah terdelete...Dat one was not my fault aaaa...It was da stupid technician...Nyways, am really upset rite now...Dah lah my stupid camera hilang...Then my mom had to drop a bomb on us in the car...

Seriously, the way she told us was so freaky...She was like..."I have to tell u something...It will shock u but u need to knoe anyway". Honestly, the first thing dat crossed my mind was dat...Oh my god!!!My parents are getting a divorce!!! I knoe, dat's a bad thought...But after all they've been through...Who knows rite...Oooopppsss...I wasnt suppose to say nything bout it...But nevermind...

Nyways, the thing my mom wanted to tell us was bout my cousin wanting to marry someone else instead of her own fiance...Funny huh? Aiyooo...Dat's life lah...As if i was not woried enough bout da cam, my mom had to give a looong lecture bout how i should find da rite husband someday...

I'm gonna be soo broke in da next few weaks...Have to buy a new camera...My dad's gonna kill me if he finds out...Not telling him is not even a choice...I CANT TELL HIM!!! But then, i hope i find the camera even after i buy the new one coz there are lots of pics in there that havent been transferred to the comp...Lots of pics with my frens...I dont wanna lose them...Am gonna try and buy the camera tomorrow...Before all the uncles and aunts come for dinner...I knoe, i'am crazy...But if u knew my dad, u would understand y i'am doing this...

Oh! and i cut my hair...was suppose to go with fah and ati but i was going to a wedding tadi and my dad sed, "Go cut your hair!! So long ady!!!" So, i went lah...Sorry ati...I know i promised u!!!

2006-05-06T13:48:00.000+09:30

My life is officially boring!!!! There's nothing to look forward to...Sad rite? Aiyooo...I guess am just bored with college life....I WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!! But of coz without all da exams...hehehe...There's nothing really interesting happening rite now in my life except for exams...Eh, to come to think bout it, there,s gonna be a Melboune holiday at the end of the month...Going with fah...That should be fun...It's my first holiday without my parents...Yeaaayyy!!!

Hahaha...suddenly am happy...See how my mood can change in a matter of seconds....Weird huh? God, am admitting am weird again!!! My frens are gonna make fun of me again...Okay guyz..Say all u want!!! I surrender!!!! To many of u lah...Cant fight alone rite....Hehehe...Some of u might not understand what am saying but my frens will...Lets not tell da whole world aite guyz...Whatever u knoe bout me, KEEP IT TO URSELVES!!!

Am actually waiting for my dad to come back...We're going out to some kenduri at i dunno where...I knoe dat its gonna be a long drive...Gonna go see my cousin whom i havent seen in years...Suddenly she got 4 anak ady!!! The weird thing is dat i'm da only one who seems to not knoe dat...Nyways, we're suppose to leave now but my dad's not even home yet...Tonite we have my dad's retiring party...Dat's gonna ba abit boring though...I dont know anyone at these kind of functions...And it's gonna last till after midnite coz my dad's staff wanna do a surprise for him...Oh shit!!!! It's my dad's b'day tomorrow!!!! I havent got him anythin!!! Wat to get him? Aiyooo...Another problem ady...

Dahlah i'm soooo sleepy...Slept at 2 last nite and woke up early to go to the gym...But then, i had fun last nite...Was talking to izzati on the phone for like hours...From 10 till like 1.30 in the morn...That's a record for me mann!!! We talked bout like everything...Talking to her made me realise bout all the things that i never knew...Bout my frens, bout how similar izzati n i are, bout family and soo many other things...I feel like she's my twin...We're soo alike...We have the same problems...It's so nice to talk to someone who doesnt judge u, n undertands what i'm going through coz she goes through the same things...Talking to her also made me realise that it's during the hard times that u realise who ur real frens are...Izzati has been through soo much even before her mom got sick...I never knew she was suffering soo much...She was telling me how lonely she feels during spm coz she felt like she had no frens...I didnt realise dat...Now dat i know, i promise to myself to be more attentive to my frens...Nyways, the talk we had was probably one of the things that i will always remember coz of all the things she sed really touched my heart in some weird way... I hope dat this will be a start of a lifelong freindship...

See, my post just became emo again...haish...Nyways, maybe i'll go see izzati tomorrow...If i'm free dat is...

Gotta go see what to wear...I just realise how miskin of clothes i am...Need to go shopping mannn!!! But pokai ady...

2006-05-05T01:08:00.000+09:30

Nothin much happened today...Finished class at 3 then had tuition at 4 till 6...How sad can my life get...But for some reason was not sleepy at all...or tired in fact. Was just feeling a little down coz i got my physics papers...I failed!!!!! Can u believe it? Even aimran n joe passed...Stupid paper lah...Was so frustrated just now...Wasnt in the mood to talk to anyone else...What am i gonna tell my dad?!!! He's gonna kill me...

I really need to work hard for my mid terms...I need to improve!!!! I've only improved in my chemistry...The rest all HANCUSSS!!!! Another thing was that i'm soooo glad that my eng project is due tomorrow...I'm done!!!! No more worrying over that stupid bloody hell research...Now only physics project left...

Went to eat before tuition...Muiz temankan me...He was also upset over his physics paper...Atleast i have someone else to talk about failure...Then, we went for tuition...It was ok lah...Add one more person...The stupid class keeps getting bigger...I cant stand it!!! Nasib baik i understand the stuff she was teaching...Nyways, i got back at 7.30...Da roads were sooo jam!!!

Let's talk bout something happier...Yeaaayyy!!! It's friday tomorrow!!!! And we get to see ati!!! Miss her mann!!!! What lah i just saw her 2 days ago!!! Atleast i get to temankan her longer...

Hahaha...I have hw to do and i'm still typing...happens every nite..aiyoooo
going to do hw now...

2006-05-04T00:00:00.000+09:30

Its been a rough couple of days for sooo many of us...Let's just say its not easy to see someone u really love suffer sooo much...I couldnt sleep last nite coz i was thinkin bout izzati all da time...well, did sleep for like 2 hours. Tried to sleep at like 10 but was still wide awake at 12 midnite. Am not sure y but i was soooo disturbed last nite...Was missing izzati like crazy coz i felt like talking to her. Went online at 12 and met ja online...I was looking at old pics in school and suddenly there were tears...After dat, i couldnt stop crying...Was letting out all the sadness...Felt so useless. Ja cheered me up a little...She hepled me put up my skin for my new blog...She sed dat if she explain it to me i wouldnt understand coz i'm too blurr to understand...Wat lah! Nywayz, thanks ja...Muuuaaahxx!!!

I woke up feeling like my head was going to explode...I guess it was the after-effect of crying too much...My eyes were like golf balls...Did not feel like going to college at all...Couldnt pay attention in class...Was still thinking of izzati...I was foing to break alone coz didnt feel like talking to nyone...Fah was nice enough to join me...So we sad girls sat at the garden and talked...We called izzati...I called her early in between classes but was not long enough...hehehe...I must sound like some stalker rite? Nyways, she was saying dat she was looking at her mom's IC coz she was going to send it back to JPN for them to get rid of it...Can u imagine, how can u cut a dead person's IC...Kesian izzati...aiyooooo....

After class, fah and i went to see her at her hs...Felt so good to talk to her again...She was really missing her mom...She told us dat everything reminds her of her mom...Then tears came down her cheeks...So sad!!!!!

Aiyoooo!!!! i have college tomorrow!!! there's so many things to do...Tuition till 6!!! The stupid tuition is crap lah...From 2 ppl now there's 6...Doesnt work for me nymore...I just go coz i need specialist math tuition...I got good results when it was just two of us...After dat, classes were crappy...Timing is soooo off! Whatever lah. I'll just c how it goes till mid term...

I've got hw to do but am still typing away...Need to call farhah...havent talked to her yet today...Then maybe i'll do my hw...hehehe...

The Beginning of a New Chapter....

2006-05-02T20:13:00.000+09:30

Ok...so this is my blog...Nothing interesting so far but yeah i guess it wil be more interesting. I've always wanted to have a blog, but i've been so lazy to write these days. I guess after what i've been through lately, i realise that i need to be whiny (is dat how u spell it?) to someone indirectly. I don't really write the most interesting stuff but well...i guess u'll have to just learn to get use to it. hahaha.

Well, i've started college in january 2006...I honestly thought that college will be so much fun. I was SOOOO WRONG!!! I just realised how hard life is. There are just too many things to handle at the same time. School was just so much more fun. And of course i miss my friends like shit.

Ok!!! Enough bout college. One of the reasons i wanted to open an account here was dat so i could release the sadness i'm feeling right now...I just got back from a very close friend's hs. Her mom passed away due to cancer. I just cannot imagine wat life would be like without my mom. N i'm really close to my mom. She's my everything. Well, we mite not talk about everything, but i feel lost everytime she's away. It's as though i have nobody. God!!! My eyes are teary already!!!

Back to my friend. Her name is izzati (she's da one on the left of the pic) btw. Well, i havent been really close to her...Close but not as close as arifah is to her...I love her sooo much just like i love my other frens...I think ati is just the strongest person ever...She's been through a lot in life and now her mom's gone...I got the call bout her mom yesterday...I just could not believe wat i heard. The first thing i thought was that i did not see her mom at the hosp. I regret that i did not go...Another thing i regret was that i never really paid attention to ati. Now that she's going through a rough patch in her life, it makes me feel really guilty of the things i've done wrong to her. I wish i was more supportive to her. Nyways, after hesitating to call her, i called her n...was lost for words. I just didnt knoe wat to say to her except to ask her to hang in there. This morning, all of us (azna, kristin, yusnie, jaja, fah, shazzy, farhah, nadia, haseena and even juan) went to give our last respects to her mom...My whole life, i've only been to 3 funerals...N i dont remember them clearly...Just to see all the people standing outside the hs. was so sad...The moment i saw izzati was the moment i felt all her pain...I dont knoe wat it's like to lose a mother but i knoe she's suffering...What really hit me is dat her life will never be the same again...She will not have a mom in her life anymore. Knowing how close she is to her mom, i knoe it's not going to be an easy journey for her. When i hugged her, i couldn't say anything to her...I just held her for awhile and let her knoe that i'm there for her. What surprised me was dat she was so calm...If this happened to me, i wouldn't even want to see anyone...I guess she was prepared for it...She spent so much time with her mom in the past few months that i guess she knows that its better now that her mom does not have to suffer anymore. After lunch, we went back to her hs...It was just me, fah and yusnie...We talked for long time...I dont think i have ever sat down with her dat long...I felt like i did not want to leave coz i knoe dat once we leave, she's gonna feel lonely...It was nice to talk to her like dat...We were entertained by her nieces and nephew...Nyways, when she walked us to the car, she sed dat everything's gonna be different for the family now...She was pretty upset...I guess it just hit her...I really did not feel like leaving her...I felt like i wanted to keep her company for as long as i can so she wouldnt have the time to sit down alone and feel lonely...I still feel so guilty right now...I love her more than ever now....I keep thinking of her all the time...Wondering wat she's thinking of...worrying bout her...aiyoooooooo!!!!! I wish these things did not have to happen to her!!!
I dont knoe y but i'm getting more n more upset rite now...
Ati...Be strong k...I knoe ur strong...Life needs to go on...I'm here for u...We're all here for u...I love u lots...Muuuuaaaahhhxxx!!! Oh, and i admire ur courage and strength...I've never truly met anyone as pure as u....

Great!!! My first post is sooo emo...and bloody long...