The Beginning of a New Chapter....

Ok...so this is my blog...Nothing interesting so far but yeah i guess it wil be more interesting. I've always wanted to have a blog, but i've been so lazy to write these days. I guess after what i've been through lately, i realise that i need to be whiny (is dat how u spell it?) to someone indirectly. I don't really write the most interesting stuff but well...i guess u'll have to just learn to get use to it. hahaha.

Well, i've started college in january 2006...I honestly thought that college will be so much fun. I was SOOOO WRONG!!! I just realised how hard life is. There are just too many things to handle at the same time. School was just so much more fun. And of course i miss my friends like shit.

Ok!!! Enough bout college. One of the reasons i wanted to open an account here was dat so i could release the sadness i'm feeling right now...I just got back from a very close friend's hs. Her mom passed away due to cancer. I just cannot imagine wat life would be like without my mom. N i'm really close to my mom. She's my everything. Well, we mite not talk about everything, but i feel lost everytime she's away. It's as though i have nobody. God!!! My eyes are teary already!!!

Back to my friend. Her name is izzati (she's da one on the left of the pic) btw. Well, i havent been really close to her...Close but not as close as arifah is to her...I love her sooo much just like i love my other frens...I think ati is just the strongest person ever...She's been through a lot in life and now her mom's gone...I got the call bout her mom yesterday...I just could not believe wat i heard. The first thing i thought was that i did not see her mom at the hosp. I regret that i did not go...Another thing i regret was that i never really paid attention to ati. Now that she's going through a rough patch in her life, it makes me feel really guilty of the things i've done wrong to her. I wish i was more supportive to her. Nyways, after hesitating to call her, i called her n...was lost for words. I just didnt knoe wat to say to her except to ask her to hang in there. This morning, all of us (azna, kristin, yusnie, jaja, fah, shazzy, farhah, nadia, haseena and even juan) went to give our last respects to her mom...My whole life, i've only been to 3 funerals...N i dont remember them clearly...Just to see all the people standing outside the hs. was so sad...The moment i saw izzati was the moment i felt all her pain...I dont knoe wat it's like to lose a mother but i knoe she's suffering...What really hit me is dat her life will never be the same again...She will not have a mom in her life anymore. Knowing how close she is to her mom, i knoe it's not going to be an easy journey for her. When i hugged her, i couldn't say anything to her...I just held her for awhile and let her knoe that i'm there for her. What surprised me was dat she was so calm...If this happened to me, i wouldn't even want to see anyone...I guess she was prepared for it...She spent so much time with her mom in the past few months that i guess she knows that its better now that her mom does not have to suffer anymore. After lunch, we went back to her hs...It was just me, fah and yusnie...We talked for long time...I dont think i have ever sat down with her dat long...I felt like i did not want to leave coz i knoe dat once we leave, she's gonna feel lonely...It was nice to talk to her like dat...We were entertained by her nieces and nephew...Nyways, when she walked us to the car, she sed dat everything's gonna be different for the family now...She was pretty upset...I guess it just hit her...I really did not feel like leaving her...I felt like i wanted to keep her company for as long as i can so she wouldnt have the time to sit down alone and feel lonely...I still feel so guilty right now...I love her more than ever now....I keep thinking of her all the time...Wondering wat she's thinking of...worrying bout her...aiyoooooooo!!!!! I wish these things did not have to happen to her!!!
I dont knoe y but i'm getting more n more upset rite now...
Ati...Be strong k...I knoe ur strong...Life needs to go on...I'm here for u...We're all here for u...I love u lots...Muuuuaaaahhhxxx!!! Oh, and i admire ur courage and strength...I've never truly met anyone as pure as u....

Great!!! My first post is sooo emo...and bloody long...